What to do if you’re missing your ex this Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is here! We know, we know — not everyone wants to celebrate the most romantic day of the year. Those of us who are newly single probably want nothing more than to skip over February 14th altogether. Unfortunately, calendars don’t work that way. So if you find yourself missing your ex this Valentine’s Day, don’t crawl under the covers and cry just yet. We have some more uplifting alternatives.

First thing’s first: Wake up and do something nice for yourself. You don’t need anyone else to serve you breakfast in bed or send you a “good morning, Valentine <3” text. Treat yourself to an extra-large, super sugary coffee and put on your favorite pair of jeans (you know — the ones that make your butt look good). Put on your favorite skin care products and break out your expensive perfume. Go above and beyond to make yourself feel special. You deserve all of it!

“After a relationship ends, the art of being kind to yourself, or engaging in self-compassion, predicts less intrusion of the ended relationship into individuals’ daily lives,” writes social psychologist Dr. Theresa E. DiDonato.

List out all the things you love about yourself — you’re smart, you’re confident, you know what’s best for you. Prove to yourself that being single will actually be okay, if not amazing. Set goals for your newly single self. You can spend more time with friends, be open to new activities, and the old classic “do something that scares you every day.” It’s kind of cliché, but it actually works wonders.

Next, contact all of your single friends. There’s no need to mope around all alone. Round up the single gang and make a reservation for dinner at your favorite place (and not the place you and your ex used to frequent).

If you can’t celebrate romantic love on Valentine’s Day, then celebrate friend love. It’s friend love that will always be there to get you through tough times, after all.

“Research shows that parents, siblings, friends, and children can all make excellent attachment figures. So, visit your family. Have lunch with an old friend,” writes romantic relationship researcher Samantha Joel, when discussing how to move on from your attachment to an ex. “Remind yourself that your ex is not the only person in your life who you can feel close to, and you’ll find yourself needing [them] less and less.”

Share with your friends what you love about them, too. The best thing you can do after a breakup is surround yourself with your pals and positivity.

End your Valentine’s Day by taking care of yourself. Run a bubble bath, bundle up in your footie-pajamas, and turn on your guilty pleasure television show. If you’re still thinking about your ex at the end of the day, write down your thoughts in a journal. It’s better to get them out on paper than have them cause chaos in your brain.

Lastly, don’t feel guilty or bad about missing your ex. It’s perfectly normal to want that intimate and romantic relationship back. You will move on and feel better, so give yourself time. Talk to your friends, focus on your own well-being, and make this Valentine’s Day about you.