What Does It Mean to Be In Love?
It is to truly see someone, inside. Their beautiful soul. It is a rare and precious knowledge, and for you to be given the gift of this sight means you contain the right ingredients in your own soul. Often we feel such powerful emotions for another that we believe we are in love, but in reality we are viewing the person through a tainted lens – one that is obscured by the traumas of the past, and therefore we are unable to see things properly. We will grab toward the idea of loving that person, struggling to solidify our happiness together, but eventually look down to find our palms empty, again and again. To find our mates, first we must be ready, ourselves. And the growth we require can only be got with experiences that give us personal insight. The hard lessons we learn when we confront our truths. By putting ourselves out there and trying to love others, we learn of misperceptions and collect the missing pieces of ourselves: what we want, who we are, and who we are not. Through this honesty and acceptance of our truth, we grow better at seeing what rewards us in others. And in our attempts to find our match, we grow into our more authentic self.
To love another you must take in all of them: the depth and contrast that defines them. Their fabric, but more importantly, who they chose to become based on their experiences. Love comes from accurate sight, and a person’s true beauty comes from all of them: the darkness and the light. If you only focus on the light exterior, you are missing half of the truth. When you recognize great value inside the heart of another, it’s like hearing a singular mating call aimed just at you. You are recognizing the finite elements that you know to be of value to your own heart. This is a powerful knowledge to have for many reasons, the best being its ability to inspire more growth inside you. Being in love unlocks energy and a thirst for better because you want to give of yourself. It is the greatest gift you have to give. You become driven to show this person how you feel in any way possible: with affection, support, attention, being of service and giving your time. It is both selfless and rewarding in that you are fulfilled by acts of kindness that bring them happiness. Which in turn, makes you feel like a wonderful person.
Love enlightens your understanding of the world around you. You gain a special awareness and vision of what would normally go unnoticed: the beauty in others, in nature, and the immense value of what it means to be alive. Your emotional understanding of humanity grows much greater because you see things as more than just yourself, alone. You see things as you plus this new wondrous insight, this other, this one you love. This heightened awareness also provides, much like a magical elixir, strength and energy beyond what you could access alone. You gain a new set of heightened senses: you smell, hear, taste more beauty. It gives you relief from pain. It unlocks chambers of your compassion and benevolence. It gives you a greater connection to humanity at large.
When you are not in love, it will feel never fully yours. It can feel heavy and daunting. Or desperate and scary, almost like it is about to be stolen. Or just out of reach – you want and want but are never fulfilled. What this means is something is getting in the way of your readiness and ability to love. You need to do some work on yourself and get to the root of it because you are most likely seeing the wrong elements and misinterpreting the person and situation. It is well worth it, as it can be changed so that you can be in the wonderful state that is love, and you will both be much happier. Once that inner obstruction has been uprooted, you will be given the ability to love someone back – the way it should be given: from a whole place, where you can give of all of yourself.
Love needs to be healthy, and if it is not, it’s not love. It’s selfishness and fear collaborating to cause you to cling, despite what is painful, hurtful and numb. Sometimes we choose mates based on this pain and together we can better heal. A couple that is ready for personal growth will grow into a truly loving place, together. They use the stability and vision of the other to grow toward a place that is stronger than they could have alone, untangling the shallow roots that grew around the rocks and rubble of a shaky foundation. When that happens, they will be better to one another because they will be stronger in themselves: so big in heart and free in soul that they will shoot higher and higher, side by side – but still strong, apart. When you reach that place of wholeness, the stress and fear goes away because you are not using this other person to fill something incomplete. Truly loving another means wanting their happiness regardless of how that might affect you. And it means being happy in yourself, outside of them.
Love is the most powerful knowledge to gain in the entirety of life. It can give you the key to a wonderful existence that you could never access without it. Pursue it bravely and honestly. Take good care of yourself and covet your heart’s value. Know that you will be okay if something causes you pain. Have hope and optimism and let the rest go. And as soon as you are ready, you will find who you’ve been looking for. To truly love another person, you must first love yourself so that you can give of yourself with unfettered access. Without this personal knowledge you won’t be able to truly see others – most importantly, the one you love.
Inspired by the best first date ever.
Featured image via Naomi Grace