We now know what Euron’s gift to Cersei is in “Game of Thrones,” and you won’t be happy about it

Game of Thrones spoilers ahead, so if you haven’t watched tonight’s episode, “Stormborn,” walk away slowly and get thee to HBO Go! 

Okay, shall we unpack Episode 2 of Game of Thrones, “Stormborn”? Because a lot happened. First, we have Dany making her first moves as the rightful Queen of Westeros — making sure her allies are truly her allies, and letting her team know that if any of them betray her, she’ll set them on fire. Over at the Citadel, Sam doesn’t listen to his boss and decides to perform secret surgery on poor Ser Jorah to cure him of greyscale.

Jon Snow is invited to Dragonstone by Tyrion, and decides to go because he thinks Tyrion is a standup guy, and also Sam sent a raven saying there’s a mountain of dragonglass there. Dragonglass is the only substance that can kill white walkers, so Westeros needs it in Costco-size portions. However, the people of the North are pissed because they think Dany is crazy like her dad, and that it’s a trap. Jon does what he wants because he knows nothing (or everything, IDK), and insists on meeting Dany (NOT KNOWING THAT THEY’RE PROBABLY RELATED!).

Meanwhile, Cersei’s Dr. Frankenstein (Qyburn) has built a weapon, a gigantic crossbow the size of my car that could take out a dragon, or three. Jaime tries to convince Sam Tarly’s dad to pledge his allegiance to the Lannisters.


Other events of note: Missandei and Grey Worm finally hook up. Arya and Nymeria have a brief, bittersweet reunion, Jon chokes Littlefinger a little for saying he loved Sansa as much as he loved Catelyn Stark because that is a creepy ass thing to say.

BUT. The most shocking part of “Stormborn” is in the last ten minutes, which isn’t shocking at all. Yara’s ship is attacked by Euron’s men. Euron and his fleet slaughter almost everyone on board, including two of the Sand sisters. Euron captures Yara, baiting Theon to come save his sister. After telling Ellaria Sand that Theon will serve as her protector once she becomes Queen of the Iron Islands, it’s that much more painful to see Theon slowly back away from Yara and jump overboard to save himself.


Euron’s men grab Ellaria (along with her remaining daughter), who is most likely the gift Euron was talking about giving Cersei to win her over. After all, Ellaria killed Cersei’s daughter, so we can only imagine how PLEASED Cersei will be to see her. Things are not looking good for the Greyjoys and Dorne — and that also means Dany has lost some key players.

I’ll be here biting my nails until next Sunday’s episode of Game of Thrones.