All the ways I embarrass myself in front of attractive people

I always have an embarrassing story to share with my friends when it comes to me and boys. You know how there is that one friend you turn to for fashion advice and one for love advice? Well, I’m like that girl, except I shine a bright light on what not to do around the person you like. I can out-humiliate you any day of the week! It is truly a talent the way I can embarrass myself in front of someone I find attractive. And the thing is, it happens to me all. The. Time.

Ever absent-mindedly stare at a cute human while walking, only to trip and have everyone around see? Been there. Have you ever been so nervous on a date that, when the other person leaned in to kiss you, you would stopped the kiss by rambling questions and nonsense? Done that. Some of the things that happen to me are so unbelievably clumsy and awkward, it might sound like I’m making them up, but really, I couldn’t even imagine these things if they weren’t true. Just take a look at the top 10 ways I’ve really, actually embarrassed myself in front of attractive humans to see for yourself.

10. My “first boyfriend” in middle school asked me if he could kiss me on a Post-It note, so I broke up with him because I did not know what else to do.

9. One time, I got to Starbucks before my date and ordered us some drinks to be nice. Then, I managed to spill hot chocolate all over him when he got there. He was wearing a white sweatshirt.

8. When I was a camp counselor over the summer and was attracted to one of the lifeguards, I would do anything to get him to notice me. Including *trying* to teach my counselor friends to twerk by the pool. Emphasis on trying.

7. Once, I got so distracted by how cute my waiter at The Cheesecake Factory was that I ordered a lemon with water. What made it worse was that he corrected me. Ugh.

6. While I was dating my last boyfriend, I once had the “great” idea to drink an uncovered smoothie while he was driving us somewhere. Spoiler: It ended up all over his interior and stained it for ever. I felt guilty every time I got in his car. Forever.

5. The first time I dyed my hair, my best friend did it. We had to rush because I had a volleyball tournament as well that day. After quickly rinsing my hair out, we were out the door. Only to realize my friend left her keys in her house… and she locked the door. Locked out in the cold, my hair started to freeze. You can only imagine my shock when I showed up at the volleyball tournament with frozen, freshly-dyed hair (that I hadn’t even seen yet). To make it even more embarrassing, I ran into my crush at that very moment, because of course I did. I hid in the bathroom for 15 minutes.

5. Following in my tradition of destroying my boyfriend’s car, I once accidentally put a hole through his floor, thanks to my size nine feet. After that, his mother disliked me more than she already did (which was impressive). She was way more mad about it than he was and never really forgave me.

4. One time, I was going out with a guy when, all of a sudden, his girlfriend got onto the elevator we were riding. I didn’t know she existed and I started wishing I didn’t exist either.  It doesn’t matter though, because they both acted like I didn’t exist by making out in front of me. Great.

3. When my previous boyfriend told me he wanted to study Gaming and Casino Management in college, I reacted in maybe the worst way possible — I laughed because I didn’t know it was actually a thing and thought he was kidding. He wasn’t, and now I had hurt his feelings and crushed his dreams. Way. To. Go.

But in spite of all those impressively embarrassing things I’ve done in front of people I find attractive, the number one spot for Most Embarrassing Thing Ever has to go to…

1. The time I told my best friend that I liked him, only for him to respond that I’m the reason he met their current girlfriend. But don’t worry, it’s not like I was totally off-base with thinking there was chemistry. He did like me back…two years ago. I had just epically missed the boat and made a super poorly-timed confession of love. You know, NBD.

The thing is though, that sharing you most embarrassing stories with your friends actually makes the embarrassing moments easier to move past. You take away some of their power every time you’re the one to share them. So go ahead and get a few laughs in! And if you’re too mortified by your stories, feel free to start by sharing mine because I know you will be laughing with me, not at me.

Julie Catone is on her way to extraordinary places. She just doesn’t know how to get there yet. In the meantime, you can catch her with her nose in a book, toes in the sand, and the wind in her hair. Or, you can just follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

(Images via here.)