“Tindstagramming” is a thing people are doing — here’s why you should never do it
Of all the terrible dating trends out there, we’re pretty sure that Tindstagramming is officially the worst. You know, we all joke around about social media “stalking” our crushes and potential dates, but using that word so glibly is actually terrible. Because actual stalking is a dangerous crime, and by extension, Tindstagramming should be, too.
In case you’re lucky enough to not have experienced this yet, Tindstagramming is exactly what it sounds like: It’s when someone you swiped left on on Tinder tries to contact you on Instagram or another social media platform and asks you out anyway.
Doesn’t it give you the creeps just thinking about it?
Linking your Tinder or other dating app to a social media profile seems like a great way to give and receive more information about someone. It’s really good to find out if someone is generally awesome at Twitter or if they’re the kind of person who only reposts The Fat Jewish memes on Instagram. This is important information! But when you use that information to then reject someone on the dating app that should be it.
It’s rough out there in the dating world, people need to get use to that sh*t. Coming for you on social media hoping that you might have changed your mind is totally disrespectful and bothersome at best. At worst, it’s a slippery slope to straight-up harassment.
Here’s what to tell any awful human being in your life who suggests this practice.
1The person doing it is totally delusional.
Someone who Tindstagrams seems to assume that they were rejected by some glitch in the system and not by a human being who made a rational and informed decision to not be interested in them. A Tindstagrammer named Daniel Elf from Tel Aviv told New York‘s Select All blog, “Tinder profile[s], most of the time, don’t provide enough information for you to find common ground with the other person. [But] when sending an IG message, I can show myself — as my Instagram is a layer in an internet persona [that] I consciously built.”
While all of those things are technically true, users of Tinder know that it’s a limited service. The whole point is to make snap decisions about how you’d like to go out with. It wasn’t a mistake that you didn’t match with someone.
2It’s like they’re mansplaining your desires to you.
Surely there are Tindstagrammers of all genders since being terrible isn’t something innate to just males. But a lot of the examples out there tend to be men contacting women, trying to get a second chance, since they just can’t believe a woman chose not to talk to them.
The language a Tindstagrammer uses is similar to how someone will try to mansplain to you. “You didn’t like me before probably because of this thing I’m assuming, so here I am now, thank me later,” is basically what every Tindstagrammer is saying to you. It’s not OK and you totally shouldn’t feel like you have to respond to that crap. Block, block, block.
3It’s super predatory.
Leave it to a group of creeps to turn a dating app feature into something that just feels so wrong. It’s enough to make you want to unlink your Instagram account altogether, which is a smart idea. But it’s not fair that you can’t use all of the features of the app to find better people to hook up with because some jerk can’t take rejection. It makes the whole process seem way more unsafe than it has to be.
Madison Killian shared her experience with New York saying,
"[Tindstagrammers] definitely come across as super douchey, and obviously don’t respect boundaries when they message you even though you didn’t match. The one that I did respond to, he got so angry that I turned him down that he wrote a fake Craigslist ad and posted my Instagram, and I woke up to like 15 horny dudes messaging me.
There’s really no reason to stand for Tindstagramming. You should never feel like you have to be polite or make someone feel better about rejecting them. Tindstagramming is entitled, rude, and straight-up creepy.