How to know it’s time to end your long distance relationship
Long distance relationship. These three words are enough to make many of us cringe. Making love last is no easy feat, even when both partners are in the same zip code. And when you add the many challenges long distance couples face — missing each other, stressing over when you’ll visit next, jealousy and more — it can be a recipe for disaster.
Not every long distance couple is doomed but, in general, keeping a relationship going when your significant other is far away is tough. How do you know your long distance relationship isn’t working? Here are just a few signs that it may be time to call it quits on your LDR.
You’re not excited for each other
When in a long distance relationship, it’s common that the couple started off in the same location, but one person left the area for an opportunity such as a new job or school. The person who stayed may feel left behind or discarded and, if so, may not be so happy for the exciting changes the significant other is experiencing. Moving away is scary, but it can be invigorating, too. If you can’t wait to get your beau on the phone to tell him about how much you love your new job and he isn’t interested, for example, that’s a sign he’s bitter. Or maybe it’s the other way around and you want to be thrilled for your significant other but are having a difficult time with it because you’re so lonely. Either way, it’s rough.
You don’t make time for each other
Communication is key for any relationship, but finding time to talk — especially if you live in different time zones — can be tricky. Obviously it’s NBD if you can’t video chat with your significant other while you’re at work, but what about after? Would you rather be making friends or exploring the city? It’s a balancing act, starting a new life and keeping up with your long distance love. If you find yourself chatting less and less — and one (or both) of you is unwilling to compromise to make time for the relationship — that shows the other person isn’t a priority. If someone is calling out of obligation, rather than a genuine desire to connect, that’s a sign that things are going downhill.
You’re bickering … a lot
It’s healthy to have disagreements, as long as you work them out respectfully. But when you have limited time to talk to or Skype with your love and you find yourselves fighting over trivial things constantly, it may be a sign of a deeper problem. Sometimes people take out their unhappiness on those they are closest to.
You’re having trust issues
Are you jealous of the people your S.O. is spending time with, or vice versa? Are you constantly wondering where your partner is or, more importantly, whom he or she is with? Are you and your partner accusing each other of cheating or falling in love with someone else? If you don’t trust someone, being in a long distance relationship will exacerbate the issue.
You don’t make visiting IRL a priority
Traveling to see your beau can be expensive, time-consuming and difficult to schedule. But if you want to keep your long distance relationship, it has to happen at some point. Seeing each other in person should be a priority for both people. If, say, you tell your significant other it’s too expensive to fly to see him or her, but then spend money on things you don’t need, it shows you are valuing the relationship less than maybe you should be.
You don’t have anything in common anymore
If you don’t’ have a lot to talk to your partner about, you may not have much in common anymore. Now that you’re not living in the same area and don’t spend time with the same friends doing the same things, you may realize you don’t have many mutual interests. Or, one (or both) of you has changed. And that’s OK, it just might be a sign it’s time to move on.
There’s no end in sight
If it seems that living in the same area is likely never going to happen again, for whatever reason, it’s not realistic to continue the relationship. You may love your significant other but realize you care more about your new life. You may have fallen in love with your school, career, friends and new community and aren’t willing to sacrifice these things for someone else. And that’s OK.
Ending a long distance relationship is tough, but so is holding on to something that isn’t working anymore. When you let go, you open up space in your life for new, positive experiences. Ending a LDR that is no longer working is hard to do but worth it, especially when you find someone new who is compatible with who you are now, and not who you were before.
[Image via Warner Bros.]