All the thoughts that cross my mind when I’m at a yoga class
Yes! I made it to yoga class! Like actually made it! I’m on my mat, on time, ready to do this. Gone are the days of talking about how much I do yoga, when really I’m in downward-facing-dog as frequently as I’m cleaning the inside of my fridge (nobody really does that much, right?). I’m basically enlightened.
The class starts, and my mind races. I try to take deep breaths and shut off my thoughts, but I just can’t. My teacher notices I’m fidgeting with my hair for the tenth time, and calls me out. “Be here,” she coos. “Focus on this class, on your moment and nothing else. Quiet your mind.”
I try. I really do. But my mind is blabbering, my eyes are wandering around the room filled with neon spandex and a smattering of cool tattoos. Here are the thoughts that flood my brain as I contemplate if I should namaste or go.
What time is it?
It’s only been five minutes. Really? Damn you ninety-minute classes. What is this a movie?
I was never good at gymnastics as a kid, I’m sure not going to start now.
I wonder how many texts I have. I bet I have so many texts right now. People are probably concerned it’s been at least an hour.
Only 10 minutes? Really?!
What should I get for dinner? Maybe I’ll actually try to make one of those recipes I pinned on Pinterest. Cauliflower rice doesn’t look that hard.
Seriously. I am the only one here without tattoos here? Note to self: get more tattoos.
What should I get a tattoo of? “Om”? Let’s not kid yourself, you don’t like yoga that much.
Maybe a tasteful quote or song lyric…
…like “shake it off.”
“I stay out too late. Go on too many dates”…it’s like Taylor Swift knows me.
Maybe, I’m actually REALLY good at yoga, but I can’t focus because we’re in a gym.
If I can see the people on the treadmills in the gym outside this room can they see me?
I really need a pedicure
And a manicure.
I wonder what time the nail salon closes.
Should I get gels or a normal manicure? Gels last forever, but I have such a hard time committing to a color for that long.
Speaking of commitment – still don’t understand why that last date didn’t call me.
Maybe I should invite them to yoga?
Casually of course, like a friend thing. I’ll be all, hey, what are you doing at 7PM next Wednesday? Want to get sweaty? Meet me at the gym…
Or maybe I should just text them a funny emoji. Is there an emoji for yoga? That would do it. Nothing says, “I’m an easy going laid back kind of girl,” like just an emoji.
There’s those praying hands…Is that a praying hands or a high five? I know people say high five, but it looks like praying hands.
I hope Netflix added more movies this week…like Now & Then — ah what I would give to see Now & Then right now.
Burpies? Really? I think this was yoga not Crossfit.
ARE WE SERIOUSLY STILL DOING THIS?!
Maybe I should go on a juice cleanse.
Now that’s progress. I don’t need yoga. I can just go on a juice cleanse and then I’ll seem like I have my life together. No, I WILL have my life together.
I came. I sweated. I did yoga, I am done here. The class is probably basically over.
IT’S ONLY BEEN 30 MINUTES?! SERIOUSLY?! I should’ve Namastayed in bed.
(Image via HBO)