15 thoughts you have when you’re not having frequent sex

1. Does everyone know I’m not having sex?

2. What happens if I’ve forgotten how to have sex?

3. Is whatever I’m about to do still considered ~sexy~?

4. What happens if there are all these cool new sex moves out there, and I have no idea what’s going on next time it happens?

5. What happens if my next partner asks me about the last time I had sex, and my mind goes blank, and then they KNOW I haven’t had sex in a while, and things get super awkward? 

6. Remember that Sex and the City episode where Charlotte’s worried her hymen is going to grow back because she hasn’t had sex recently, and is that like a REAL MEDICAL THING?

7. Can my vagina, like, shut down?

8. Have the condoms from my last partner expired?

9. Is it weird to buy just-in-case condoms when you’re not having sex? 

10. I’m not having sex, but is there still a chance I’m pregnant?

11. …is it obvious I’m not having sex? 

12. Is everyone else around me having sex all. the. time?

13. What happens if I just never have sex ever again?

14. Think I could get my next partner to agree that sex is silly, and eating food is so much better?

15. But seriously. Does everyone know I’m not having sex?