Every thought I have during yoga class

Yoga is fun, and great, and good for you, but it can also be kind of stressful. Right? Here are all the thoughts that run through my head when I’m making it through yoga. 

Why did I think doing this today was a good idea?

I can totally do this. It will be so good for me.

Oh God. Don’t sit next to me! No!

Don’t look in the mirror at myself. Don’t do it! Oh damn. Why did I look?

Seriously? Move your mat a little closer why don’t you?

Why is that woman wearing socks? Should I be wearing socks?

Ok, this isn’t so bad.

Should I grow my hair out so I can wear it in a ponytail?

Oh yeah, I totally have this pose nailed.

Oh, um, ok, maybe not.

Don’t fall on the mirror.

These people who forget to turn their phones off…Wait. That’s not mine is it?

It feels so good to just stretch. I love yoga.

Crap, this hurts.

OMG that is such a cute top. Where did she get it?

Wait. You want us to put what where?

Why is awkward chair so damn awkward? It’s nothing like being in a chair. It’s like being in an airline seat for far too long when everything cramps.

Did I close the garage door at home?

Sorry, my leg does not stretch that way.

Even if I put my knees down in plank it is still totally a good workout. Really.

If I take a drink of water is it going to make me want to barf?

Follow the breath. Yeah, if I can catch it after 30 sun salutations.

Are my boobs falling out?

I.Will. Not. Be. The. First. Person. To. Break. The. Pose.

If I don’t look at the people next to me they can’t see me. I am completely alone.

Yeah, that lady has no clue what she’s doing, unlike me. I have so got this. But this is not a competition. I am totally accepting and nonjudgmental.

Yep, I am focused on my gazing point. Completely focused.  I am not trying to figure out what my instructor eats for breakfast.

Why is it so hot in here?

I can totally do this. I’m doing it. It hurts but I’m doing it. I can push through. Just a little longer. Breathe. I lied. I cannot do this. I hate yoga.

The only energy flow I am feeling is the sweat dripping down my butt.

I just want to use one arm to yank my shirt down. But I should stay in the pose. I need to just focus on the practice. Clothes are not important. No one is noticing anyhow. OK, FINE! There, that’s better.

No. We’re not having fun. WHY do you ask that every time?

Did I remember to put on deodorant?

I am so being the tree. Except there’s a windstorm. Or an earthquake.

Why does it hurt so much to just hold my arms out? What is wrong with me?

Maybe I should get a pedicure?

How many more of these is she going to make us do? I might collapse

I have got to buy my own strap. This has touched so many people’s feet.

Oh my God. I am not getting my period right now. I am just not.

I really hate that lady in the front row who stays in plank for days. Show off.

Who is breathing so loud?

Oh wait, it’s me.

My mind is totally clear. Except did I renew my car’s registration? And maybe I’d better stop and buy milk on the way home?

I am so relaxed. Totally. Except my ear itches. And my left thigh is still cramping. And my eye is twitching. But I’m totally relaxed into the earth.  100%.  Isn’t shavasana over yet?

God, I love yoga. I need to come more often.

[Image via Showtime]