Because “This Is Us” never wants us to be happy, I’m so, so nervous about this new twist

Four episodes into the season and we finally have it: This Is Us just dropped its first big twist on us.

And what is it? For a show that has thrown timeline twists at us, and Jack Is Dead twists our way, and also some pretty major Randall revelations, this is the first one that caught me by surprise. All episode, we’re led to believe that Kate is worried about her weight because she wants to fit into a dress for an upcoming singing gig. WRONG. Kate’s not worried about her weight for a dress — she’s worried about her weight because she’s six weeks pregnant.

I literally gasped. I had to rewind the episode to make sure I had heard correctly. The episode ends at the doctor’s office, with Kate showing off a brand new bottle of prenatal vitamins, asking her doctor if it’s “still there.” (Hey, that’s the name of the episode!) The doctor reassures Kate that yes, her baby — which was once the size of a poppyseed — is now roughly the size of a lentil.

Wow, wow wow wow wowowowowwowowowow.

This is very exciting and I am so happy for Kate! But then immediately, I remember that this is This Is Us, and this show is singlehandedly the reason we’re not allowed to have nice things. Because one second, this show reminds us that there is so much good and love in the world, and the next it rips our still-beating hearts out, like that scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

And this is why I am so nervous for whatever comes next on This Is Us, because we all know deep in our hearts that it will not be smooth sailing. It’s already been established that Kate is obsessing about her health, and like she said in the episode, with her age and her height she’s worried about being ready for the baby. She’s also only six weeks along and that is so early. Kate’s still in her first trimester, and she’s got roughly six more weeks till she (and the baby!) are out of it. It’s only when pregnancy hits the second trimester that the risk if miscarriage drops dramatically (I am no pregnancy expert, but this is what Google told me).

Not only that, but now Kate’s journey directly lines up with her mother’s. Rebecca was just starting her singing career when she got pregnant with the twins, and look at that, Kate is in the same situation. Is she really about to follow in her mother’s footsteps? We already know that Kate and Rebecca have a very rocky relationship.

Also, I think about Kevin and Randall. Kevin is like 100% on the verge of becoming addicted to painkillers (just like his dad battled with addiction). Meanwhile, Randall has just brought a new child into his life, Deja, and that has been an adjustment for his whole family. How will Kate’s brothers react to Kate’s news, especially when they’ve got so much to deal with themselves?

AND WE HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN TO TOBY YET. Oh wow, am I crying already? You bet!

The perfect ending for this story is that Kate has the baby, and the baby is happy and healthy and it’s a beautiful miracle of life. Now, just for a second imagine that the baby is a boy, because we all know Kate will name that baby Jack, and there are not enough tissues in the world to deal with that. Not now, not ever. I am so, so worried.