Things we say after a breakup vs. what we really mean

After a gut-wrenching breakup, we inevitably feel lost, devastated, and totally, totally confused. We feel a million different emotions per minute, our hearts caught in a losing game that we never even wanted to play. Of course, feeling the sadness we feel, it’s hard to be totally honest about our emotions! In our heartsick haze a warped reality sinks in, one that includes some little while lies. And really, who can blame us?! Sometimes the truth is just too hard to get out, but it’s worth trying to be honest. At least to your BFF. Trust us, it might make you feel better.

Here are the most common things we say after a breakup versus what we really mean.

What you say: “I’m fine.”

The reality: 

You are most likely not fine, and that is more than okay. Nobody expects you to be “fine” after a loss of love. You are experiencing a death — a death of a relationship. Grieving and mourning this loss is not only normal, it’s a very healthy piece of the puzzle. You’re going to need support from your friends and family during this tumultuous time, so let them know you’re “not fine” and that you need them. 

What you say: “I don’t care if he/she dates someone else.”

The reality:

The LAST thing you want to think about after a breakup is your ex with somebody new. No way. It’s nice to say you want them to move on, but are you really ready to handle that? We would much rather believe that our ex is stuck on an island somewhere far, far away, than out on the town with somebody new. 

What you say: “I just want them to be happy.”

The reality:

If you can get to this point then girl, you’re a true rock star! However, most of us feel anger and disappointment after a breakup and are definitely not in the headspace to connect with our inner Buddha. The reality is that it’s too painful to think of our once-love moving on and being happy without us. Don’t beat yourself up over feeling this anger. Trust me, one day you will have fully moved on and can wish happiness upon your ex. But for right now, you don’t need to force it. 

What you say: “We can totally be just friends.”

The reality: 

Being “just friends” with an ex immediately after a breakup is like waking up with perfect bangs — it just can’t be done. Unless it was 100% mutual, you two probably need to wait a little for feelings to settle. I know it’s hard to think of losing a best friend too, but being “just friends” complicates things and is only a setup for disaster.

What you say: “I never think about him/her anymore”

The reality: 

Okay, let’s all be honest here. Sure, we wish we weren’t thinking about our ex 24/7, but the reality is that we can’t get him or her out of our minds. After a breakup, we all turn into Sherlock Holmes, stalking their social media with a professional level of savvy. I’m not saying this is the healthiest of behaviors, but let’s not kid ourselves . . . everybody does it.

What you say: “I’m better off without them.”

The reality:

This is 100% the truth ladies. You deserve better and deserve to be in a happy and healthy relationship. The reason it is called a breakup is because something was broken. You’re moving on to bigger and better things. Give yourself a little time to feel all the feelings and then move on. You’ll find life is much better on the other side of heartbreak.

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