The Truth Behind The Tinder Fantasy

While recovering from a massive hangover, dehydrated and paralyzed in bed on New Year’s Day, I decided to randomly make a Tinder account. It was incredibly impulsive and wasn’t exactly meant to be this ‘try something and take action’ thing, but we can go with that. So, the other night, I was wasting time throwing out straight nopes on these profiles as I scrolled through Tinder. I guess it depends where you live, but for every 100 nopes, I’ve probably given one like. That’s just the situation over here… Pray for me.

Anyway, I liked this guy’s profile, and the best part about Tinder is that you can only message and be matched with people who have liked you, too. That already 100% eliminates the randoms and creepies you don’t want contacting you. Thank you, Tinder! I was getting matched with a few people, but this guy seemed really cool. I didn’t message him immediately, which I learned is the best thing to do. I just went back to scrolling, hoping he would say something to me first because I like to keep it old school like that sometimes. As I’d hoped, he did.

We started having a real awesome conversation about music and school and he was making me laugh. (Let me point out that I had already been messaging another person, but we won’t even acknowledge that because he was terribly hard to speak to and I was not impressed with his conversation skills.) Mind you, he messaged me first, too. That’s the reason I was also so blown away by the other guy – in the moment, comparing the two of them, there was such a big difference how easily the conversation flowed.

The discussion covered several topics we both were actually interested in. Then eventually we started texting and he dropped the line I wasn’t sure how to feel about: “I’ve never been with a black girl.” It was kind of thrown in randomly.

Now, I’ve never exactly heard it said like that before. It has come out in totally different circumstances, which has always been cool because it’s no secret I tend to date white guys. It’s just that no one has ever said it out loud when first speaking to me like that. I was a little taken aback. What it sounded like to me was, “Oh, I have this fantasy of always being with a black girl and that’s why I’m talking to you.” That might not have been his mindset – he could have just been saying it, thinking I would think it’s awesome. I could potentially be the first, since he also went on to say that he’s always been interested in “them”, just never been with one.

Okay, stop! Stop because…

a) Who said you were even going to be blessed with the privilege to get with alluh dis?

b) You’re making me feel like some sort of box on this list you’re trying to check off.

Oh! I forgot to mention that he also said he thinks black girls would be ‘wilder’. I’m over here thinking, can we please just go back to when we were talking about music?! No? Dammit. To me that just sounded like he was putting a bunch of pressure on this fantasy, and to be honest, boy might be disappointed when this time comes (with anyone), so he needs to check himself quick.

Just because I’m black doesn’t mean… Why do I even need to finish this sentence? I shouldn’t have to. The world should know by now, girls are girls. Bottom line. End of story. How would the color of my skin determine how I am in bed? Experience trumps everything, does it not? Am I genetically born to rock every guy’s world that I sleep with? If so, I really wish I was told sooner.

I know there are stereotypes all across the board on this subject – this is just a new one for me that I feel is totally out of nowhere. It’ll only benefit everyone if these bubbles start getting burst, and fast. We don’t have to try and fulfill these dreams, feel less confident or like we’ve been a disappointment when we haven’t. There should be none of these crazy expectations.

I’m sure this won’t be the last time this app will have me in this exact same situation. I mean, at least the guy was being honest. I should be allowed to be honest, too.

Paula is a journalism student who spends most her time listening to music, writing and eating sushi. Her everyday ramblings and thoughts can be found at and on Twitter @paulajessreid.

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