The Things I Won’t Do For Love

By Alison brough

April 19, 2012

By Alison brough

April 19, 2012

This week, I watched the movie Like Crazy courtesy of my local Redbox. And by courtesy I mean since when did the price go up to $1.20 a night. And Redbox, don’t you know that I’m actually going to end up paying you less because at $1 a night, I will straight up leave the DVD in my purse for a week and not care at all? “Eh, it’s only $1 and my couch is too comfortable right now. I’ll return it tomorrow,” I said to myself thousands of times. But now that it’s up to $1.20, you better believe I’m taking that sucker back on time. 20 cents is a big deal to me because of a little gem in my life called ‘coin laundry‘.

Anyway, the movie is about two young thangs who fall in love, only to find out that they can’t be together because of a Visa – the immigration thing, not the credit card, you crazy capitalists. You see, Ana is from England and the boy is American. Ana overstays her student Visa and when she tries to come to America for a visit, she is sent packing. Then, obviously, they get married for a green card. Except, they really love each other.

This reminded me of my real-life friend who has a long-distance boyfriend. He lives in some fancy-pants European country, which only matters because they have to do hours of math to talk on the phone. That girl is always counting on her fingers. Whilst at dinner once, she showed me this new app they have that allows them to track one another’s moves all day long through GPS.

And right then and there, I was struck with a breakthrough reality for myself: no one will ever love me enough to track my minute-by-minute coordinates on their iPhone.

Simultaneously, I was struck with another reality: I will never love anyone enough to consensually stalk them on my iPhone.

Which leads me to my question of the week. What won’t you do for love? And might I recommend some tunes to serenade you while you mull the previous questions around in your brain-space. There is a little ditty by a man/bear name Meatloaf that fits the bill nicely.

People do some really crazy things for love, you guys. What about moving to another state? I have several friends that have just up-and-moved for their significant other. One even moved twice in less than a year. And I have another friend that is forced to watch Doomsday Preppers every week and prepare for a zombie apocalypse. I’m actaully kinda down with that one, though. Because there is nothing I hate more than someone saying ‘I toldya so’ and I can just imagine the zombies showing up and my boyfriend (imaginary) turning to me and saying, “If we would have watched Doomsday Preppers, we would know what to do right now.” I can’t handle the guilt and regret that hypothetical situation stirs in my stomach.

With all of this on my mind, I decided to take today and make a list of things that I just can’t give up. Not even for love. This way my boyfriend (imaginary) knows what he’s in for. Please note: this list can’t be considered all-inclusive, rather, it should illustrate that this is the tip of the iceberg. (R.I.P. Titanic) Behold a list of things that are more important to me than my boyfriend (imaginary).