The Ocular Enemy: Onions
We’ve all had some of the same experiences by the time we’ve hit a certain age. The experience I’m talking about here has to do with the first time your parents trusted you to take a knife and chop up food to help out with dinner. My guess is that you were probably given the onions.
Not only is cutting the onions the easiest task to give away, it’s the biggest pain in the ass out of all of them. It’s also the task that is most fun to watch other people go through. Unless you have been around onions for years and years, you will cry during the process and even if you have been hiding onions under your pillow to train for such moments you will still, at least, tear up.
It’s a terrible and exhausting thing to go through. There was even a time when I started choosing meals that didn’t require any onions. Those meals were boring and plain. I needed onions back; I wanted them back.
I thought it would be different after some time apart but it turned out to be the same grueling work as it’s always been.
I congratulate myself for being able to hold tears back five seconds into the cutting. But then, it comes and oh, it always comes.
Some times are better than others. Sometimes, I can just cry through it but most of the time I yelp in pain. I try to keep cutting but there comes a point when I can’t see my surroundings anymore. It’s like the onion wants me to slice my finger open. I know better. I put the knife down and walk away, get as far as possible so I can regain my composure. I shut my eyes tight, as if that would help me squeeze all the lingering tears out. Then I stretch my face by looking up as high as possible and moving my chin down as close to my chest as I can. This does absolutely nothing.
Each time I go back to the cutting board I find my boyfriend has attempted to take over. He lasts a little longer than me but the onions always get the best of him.
That is the reason why I’ve decided to invest in Bed Bath and Beyond’s Onion Goggles. I don’t know anyone who has had or used them yet so I thought I’d just be the first to try.
I could probably just use ski goggles or swimming goggles or any type of goggles for that matter, but I think the best option here is to just go for it.
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(Image via ShutterStock.)