The Dirty Thirty: Knock Knock, It’s Karma

I just recently realized that all good things happen slowly. I used to need to see results immediately. I needed to know that someone’s Karma would find them within a week of my injustice. As soon as I was wronged I would think, “Okay universe, do your thing!” But then nothing would happen. They would just carry on as if they hadn’t just been diagnosed with HIV. Were they happy? Were they getting away with it? Was the universe really just going to IGNORE this? I mean, he went around school telling everyone I was a terrible kisser! It wasn’t fair.

The good people are at the bottom, being stepped on by the assholes who are always at the top. I went through a phase (okay it lasted the majority of my life so far) where I was like, just do whatever you want, the universe doesn’t give a f***. The universe won’t do anything about it. The worst people I know have the biggest house. The most selfish people get everything they want because people are afraid to stop them. What was the point of me stressing over every tiny moment when I thought I had made a selfish decision or possibly hurt someone’s feelings? It was clearly just a waste of time. I should just park my car in the handicap space, toss my keys to the parking officer and say, “I’m selfish and I’m rich! What are you gonna do about it?!”

Okay, maybe I didn’t want to be that awful, but I was also sick of being the only one who seemed to be losing any sleep over making sure I was being a good person. It was like, why am I so worried about everyone else, but no one is worried about ME! WHAT ABOUT ME?! Now, I know that came across a little bit selfish, which is ironic, but maybe I’m not always the evolved specimen you want me to be. Maybe I was doing it all wrong. Which would be weird. Because I feel like I do everything right. But it’s kind of cute that I had this one little flaw.

So I’ve learned two things:

1. Karma can be very subtle.
2. Don’t be so f***ing worried about what’s going on with someone else.

Karma is real. But it doesn’t work the way most people want it to. Karma doesn’t exist because life is fair. Let’s be really clear about this; Life is not fair. Sometime’s you get your heart broken, sometimes you struggle, sometimes you aren’t chosen. And there isn’t always a bigger reason for why it happened. And sometimes you think you are unlucky, but you have no idea how much luck you have. The fact that you are reading this on a computer already puts you ahead of 70% of the world, so let’s keep your complaining to a whisper. Like I said before, Karma is a subtle thing. You steal something, you don’t walk outside and get hit by a bus. But you set something in motion. Something negative. You have something to hide. Something to lie about. Something to defend. You are not trustworthy.

One day, possibly far off in the future when you want to get your life together, this black mark on your reputation makes it harder for you. That’s Karma. Someone who is an asshole might keep moving up in the world. But once they get to the top, they are alone there. Because they’ve burned every bridge, betrayed every friend, disrespected everyone who gave them a genuine opportunity to be good. And now they look around and wonder what it was all for. That’s Karma. It can take time to catch up to people. Sometimes it’s just a feeling. In my opinion there are no worse feelings than guilt and regret. If you’re living with one of those, Karma caught up with you. And it serves you right for whatever you did. Not cool, man. Not. Cool.

Any energy we’re putting into making sure someone else is getting theirs, is a waste. You can’t force Karma’s hand. It can’t be rushed. You think you know better than the f***ing UNIVERSE? Honey, let it do it’s thing. I don’t care how many people screw me over, (A LOT) I refuse to start doing it to others in order to even the score. I go to bed at night knowing I did right by the people I know. That I tried, and that I always told the truth. Lying is literally cancer. Everyone has a right to the truth. Taking that away from someone, changing the facts, spinning it in the direction you want, is as low as it gets. But the greatest gift is that YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE TRUTH. What’s real is what’s real. And a lie doesn’t sound the same as the truth. No one believes that you’re twenty-eight, sweetie. The truth has a way of revealing itself. Let it rise to the top when it’s ready to and just focus on keeping your side of the street clean. That’s all you are responsible for. Keep your eyes on your own plate and let them dig their own grave. Sit back and eat lunch while they do it. Cause they will. The people we’re talking about are so absorbed in their game that they don’t see the water rising around them.


PS- I capitalized “Karma” every time for no other reason than I got nervous that if I was supposed to and didn’t then I would be disrespecting it and would wake up fat tomorrow or something.

PPS- I kid you not, my Pandora just started playing Justin Timberlake’s “What Goes Around Comes Around”. No big deal, the Universe just made a direct communication with me.

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