The 7 Deadly Shopping Sins

I blame my debt on Mall Madness.

Thanks to the shopping themed board game, I grew up thinking, “clearance” or “sale” meant “spend all your money or else you’ll lose!” Which is the only way I can explain my growing collection of skinny jeans (they were ALL on sale!).

As I scroll through my bank statements, I see a pattern: I blow a lot of money on really silly things. Silly things that can best be categorized as the Seven Deadly Shopping Sins.

Here’s what I “sinfully” waste money on and solutions on how I (and maybe you, if you can relate) can save and be saved (which I know I will fail to follow).

1. Lust – Lattes

Problem: Nothing says “I have my life together” like a tasteful Instragram of a heart-shaped latte. Or for extra points – latte art (pictured). But then you become addicted. You long for it. You HAVE to have the frothy milk, bitter espresso and the Instagram-worthy design. Black coffee is so blah in comparison. Only problem: heart shaped lattes are pretty expensive and can run about $6 a pop. If you have an addictive personality, like myself, soon you will find yourself spending upwards of $38.43 on lattes a week. Thanks a latte, latte.

Solution: Um. Get a coffeemaker for $20 and spend about $5 on coffee a week, Princess.

2. Gluttony – Whole Foods

Problem: I cannot walk into a Whole Foods without dropping at least $37.65. I over indulge, I binge. If this were for a week’s worth of groceries, then yes, this would be normal. But nope, it’s usually just for dinner… for one. And this happens maybe three to four times a week. Granted, my dinner is typically assorted sushi, coconut water, edamame and a mini bottle of wine (because I feel less bad about drinking a mini bottle than a full one) and maybe a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, which is now $5.34 a pint. #SingleAndLovingIt

Solution: Learn self control in the grocery store. Or, I dunno… cook at home!

3. Greed – Juice

Problem: Pressed Juicery is my kryptonite. There was a point when I was commuting from Santa Monica (okay, West LA, but I say Santa Monica because it sounds classier) to Hollywood for work, and the only thing that saved my sanity was stopping by a Pressed Juicery on the way. I needed it. I had to have it! All of it!!! If a juice is $7, it must be life changing (and it is). But I was spending about $35.17 on juice a week, which is a little cray?

Solution: Get a big thing of juice at the grocery store (not Whole Foods) and take it to go.

4. Sloth – Valet

Problem: Parking in LA sucks. But most of the time, if you look (or put in some effort), you can park for free. Due to my laziness and terrible parking skills, I usually valet, because “Who needs to learn to parallel park when everywhere you go has valet??” (SO true, Cher, so true). If you valet almost everywhere you go, this adds up, as valet can cost anywhere from $5 – $10.

Solution: Only valet when street parking is definitely not an option.

5. Wrath – Drinks

Problem: I’m Italian. So sometimes I get angry. Rather than taking out my aggression Jersey Shore style, I’ll go to my local watering hole and have a (few) drink(s). Only problem: most drinks in West Hollywood are anywhere between $10-20 a glass. And this can add up.

Solution: Drink at home? Or maybe find a healthy way to take out my anger, like boxing or just running it out at the gym.

6. Envy – Manicures

Problem: I have nail envy. I see a pretty manicure and I wish it was mine. I get jealous. Only issue: manicures are pretty expensive and can add up. There was a point in my life where I was really lonely, and I would fill my empty Saturdays at the nail salon. I’d go every weekend because I had nothing better to do, and also because I hate the smell of nail polish remover. My manicurist, Kevin, would always ask me if I had a boyfriend, to which I’d respond. “Kevin, pretty sure if I had a boyfriend I’d be at brunch with him right now” (not sure how relationships work). Anyway, this weekly manicure/pedicure would put me out about $42.34 a week. Thank God this was before nail art, or I would really be broke.

Solution: DIY Manicures? Or don’t put polish on your nails so you won’t need a touch-up!

7. Pride – Karaoke

Problem: I am a karaoke addict. Probably because I am one of the delusional people that think they have a really great voice. The issue with karaoke is you have to wait to sing your song… unless you tip the DJ at least $5 and get bumped up, which I always do, so I don’t have to wait to sing ‘What’s Up’ by the 4 Non Blondes (turning 26 soon, so I only have a few more weeks to sing “25 years down my life and still” with truth!). To me, karaoke is less of an art and more of a sport (I’m not entirely sure how sports work). I karaoke once or twice a week and I am incredibly impatient, so this adds up. This is probably a waste of money. It’s Wednesday, after all. Go home.

Solution: Um? Sing in the shower? Or the car? Or go on YouTube and find the karaoke versions of the songs you want to sing and sing along. Or get there early so you can sign up before Jessica and Sarah hijack the sign up sheet.

And those are my seven deadly shopping sins. Well, I guess they’re not really deadly. More like deadly to my bank account.

I’d love to know: Am I alone? Am I crazy? Have you seen my iPhone? Can someone call it?

I’m 203 —

JK! Found it!

What are some of your shopping sins?

Featured Images via The Expired Meter, Boston.com and Whole Foods.