All the glorious ways Taylor Swift taught us to end a friendship feud
Today in news we literally never thought we’d hear, Taylor Swift and Kanye West are going into the studio together. Yup! Kanye broke the news during an On Air With Ryan Seacrest interview. I mean, holy wow.
This unexpected olive branch comes on the heels of Sunday night’s Grammy Awards during which our Tay Tay beamed a ray of friendship sunshine that brightened the night even more than the Grammys. Leave it to Taylor Swift, professional BFF and all-around amazing person, to turn music’s biggest night into an unexpected lovefest and now this Kanye announcement further confirms the patching up of differences.
Tay used the Grammys as a chance to officially, publicly bury the hatchet of two of her biggest rumored “feuds” — with Kanye West and Diplo. Even though we’re not usually interested in celeb feuds (which can be 100% media manufactured), we’re willing to make an exception for the sake of hitting on the best practices for friendship mending, as set forth by bestie-guru Taylor Swift.
The stories behind Taylor’s rumored feuds with Kanye and Diplo are public and memorable. Kanye infamously ambushed Taylor on stage at the 2009 MTV Music Video Awards, stealing the spotlight in the middle of her acceptance speech for Best Female Video and declaring Beyoncé the rightful winner. As for Diplo, his feuding-with-Taylor status was cemented in November after he tweeted, “Someone should make a kickstarter to get taylor swift a booty.”
Bona fide feuds? Maybe, maybe not. Obviously uncool things to do to a fellow human? Definitely. But Taylor handled the evening the way she handles everything — with almost-eerie grace, and pics to prove it all happened.
We might not have high-profile celebrity friendship rifts to mend, but when it’s your own life, a friendship breakup (or a friendship blockade thrown up by a casual acquaintance seemingly out of the blue) feels like the highest of drama, so it’s worth taking a page from Taylor’s playbook. These simple rules will help you move on (and actually, legitimately, to-your-very-core heal) like a pro. You might not be going into the studio together, but hopefully you can work through whatever differences you have.
Time is your greatest resource.
When faced with a friendship fallout, instinct might tell you to act RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, but tell your instinct to pause. You need time to collect your thoughts, to feel the feels and to make sure you’re ready to say or do something that will make the situation better, not worse. This waiting game against your own internal forgiveness clock might take days, weeks, months or even years. Taylor takes her time because it’s never too late to repair a broken friendship, but sometimes it can be too soon.
Don’t pretend it didn’t happen.
Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to forget. Be big enough to forgive, but don’t let yourself be burned again if the person hasn’t earned a true second chance. You might not be funneling your emotions into confessional song lyrics like Taylor, but that’s no reason to forget how a friend fight made you feel.
Be honest about why your feelings were hurt.
You can’t move on if you’re faking forgiveness. By clearing the air about what specifically hurt you so much (if the other person doesn’t already know, of course), you can avoid misunderstandings in the future. If you can’t find the words to explain why you were upset yet, go back to step one and take more time.
Take responsibility for your mistakes.
Some friendship fumbles might be one-sided, but the sad truth is that most of them aren’t. Chances are, once you delve into the problem and explain your side of things, your friend will have some complaints of her/his own. They might sting and your instinct might be to go on the defensive, but fight that feeling, swallow your pride and really hear what your friend is telling you. Apologize when you know you owe one, even if it’s hard to do.
Seal it with a pic.
To make amends in true Taylor fashion, take a rekindled friendship photo because your smiling faces in that picture will be worth 1,000 apologies.