Zooey Norman
January 30, 2016 7:00 am

Some people have naturally dark and beautiful skin and they rock it like the goddesses they are. And some of us have flesh so pale it is almost translucent. I am part of the latter group. There’s nothing wrong with being pale. In fact, I think anyone who shares my ultra-light complexion should seriously embrace it (that’s the best approach for anything about your own body, after all). But, that being said, there are also some struggles that every uber-pale person understands all too well.

1.You frighten small children.

No small child, I am not a vampire or a ghost. I’m friendly, I promise. Please stop crying. I am sorry.

2. Every blemish you ever get is super, super visible. 

And good luck finding foundation to cover it. People on both the lightest and darkest ends of the skin tone spectrum tend to have a hard time finding a makeup match for their skin tone at a drugstore. Sure, I might be able to find a match from a specialty site online, but those cost about a million dollars an ounce, so I can only assume they’re made from endangered unicorns’ tears.

3. People will question your life choices.

If you’re super pale, you have to get used to the question, “Don’t you ever leave the house?” Yes, I do leave my house every now and then. But, all joking aside, I try to limit my exposure to the sun as it will either reflect off my flesh and blind everyone around me or instantly incinerate me. Hyperbolic? Only a little.

4. Going to the beach is SO expensive.

When you’re very, very pale, you need much more gear than a simple swimsuit and towel if you want to take a trip to the beach. Sunblock SPF 100? $15.99. A big floppy sun hat? $19.99. Some sort of wrap to protect me while I am lounging on the beach? $19.99. An umbrella to hide under while your friends insist on tanning? $29.99. All the aloe I’m going to need for the burn I acquire despite all my efforts to save my flesh? Who knows, depending on how bad the burn is and how long it lingers. The look of sadness on my face as my burn peels off to reveal a fresh layer of even paler skin? Priceless.

6. You react with overwhelming joy if you manage to spend a day outside and not burn to a crisp. 

7. If you have dark hair, you automatically look a little goth. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I got the tragic combination of my father’s dark hair and my mother’s milky flesh which means I look more like the girl from The Ring than I’d like to. I’m not here to steal your soul. I’m just trying to live my life — but if you keep asking if I am sick, I might steal your soul just for fun.

8. Instead of making you look trendy and chic, dark lipstick makes you look like a member of the undead.

I just want to look Pintrest-perfect but with my oh-so-dark hair and oh-so-pale skin, wearing dark lipstick just gives me vampire vibes. Let’s not even talk about what happens if I accidentally smear my lipstick.

9. Everyone who stands next to you will suddenly feel very tan. 

I know you’re feeling it, just please don’t say it out loud every single time we’re in a picture together.

10. White clothing completely washes you out.

When I wear a white shirt, it’s hard to tell where the fabric ends and I begin.

(Images via Disney, Universal Pictures/Tumblr, Lionsgate/Tumblr, Disney/Tumblr, Paramount Pictures/Giphy, ABC/Giphy.)

Advertisement