Christina Wolfgram
August 06, 2015 3:04 pm

Yes, there are pairs of pants being sold with the warning “batteries not included.” We’ve officially made it. It is now The Future.

Behold: Joe’s #Hello line of jeans specially designed to charge your iPhone while you wear them. Never again will you have to worry about getting stranded on the highway or running into a member of One Direction at the grocery store with a phone hanging on the “1% charged” thread. With these pantalones, you’ll always be prepared.

If I were the one designing electric jeans, I would have harnessed the kinetic energy of my thighs rubbing together when I run to catch a bus (and/or when I walk normally at all times), but these #Hello jeans are probably a little smarter than that. They don’t have a built-in outlet or some kind of futuristic solar panel. Instead, they have two discreet pockets: one for your iPhone and one for a super slim charger. The phone pocket sits right above the booty while the charger pocket lives at the waistband with the pants’ belt loops. Pretty sneaky and definitely doesn’t draw the eye.

Sorry Android fans; these jeans only accommodate Apple users at the moment. According to Joe’s website, the charger has the power to get iPhone 5’s to 100% and iPhone 6’s to 85%. Not bad, especially if it means the difference between getting a photo with Harry Styles buying cereal or not.

Of course, not all that glitters is gold, and not all that charges your smart phone is perfect. While #Hello jeans come in a variety of colors, they are only available in “skinny” fit. This alone could deter a lot of potential customers.

Then, there’s the price, which is comparable to a really shocking electricity bill. Each pair of jeans is running at $189 a pop, but that doesn’t include the secret agent belt loop charger, which is sold separately at $49.99. Maybe the idea here is that if you want to buy multiple pairs of the #Hello jeans, you can save money by purchasing only one charger.

To put that expense in perspective, a pair of “Ladies Flatulence Jeans,” which “feature a carbon lining which eliminates [fart] odours,” are only about $30 cheaper.

Jeans that charge your phone and jeans that mask your toots? What a beautiful, futuristic world we live in.

(Images via here, here, and here.)

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