Taraji P. Henson Opened Up About Having Suicidal Thoughts Earlier This Year
She shared that she only began to feel better when she opened up to a close friend.
Trigger warning: This post discusses suicidal thoughts.
If you’ve been struggling with your mental health during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, you’re not alone. Taraji P. Henson just opened up about the suicidal thoughts she has experienced this year, explaining how she found herself “withdrawing” from her loved ones before leaning on them for support.
Henson, who has been candid in the past about the stigma surrounding mental health, discussed her experiences during the pandemic in the December 23rd episode of her Facebook Watch series, Peace of Mind with Taraji. In conversation with co-host Tracie Jade and licensed psychologist Dr. LaShonda Green, the Empire alum shared the thoughts she had about ending her life, and how she felt better after speaking up about what she was going through.
“For a couple of days, I couldn’t get out of the bed, I didn’t care. That’s not me. Then, I started having thoughts about ending it,” Henson said, revealing that she’d gone so far as to purchase a gun. She said that she thought, “‘I could go in there right now, and just end it all.'”
The actress apparently even told herself that her 26-year-old son, Marcell Johnson, would “get over” her death, because of the fact that he’s an adult.
After struggling with these thoughts for two nights in a row, Henson told a close friend about what she’d been feeling. “I felt myself withdrawing. People were calling me, I wasn’t responding. I didn’t care. Finally, I’m talking to one of my girlfriends and I knew, I was smart enough to say, ‘I have to say it,'” she shared, admitting that she’d felt “ashamed.”
“I was like, I don’t want them to think I’m crazy,” Henson said. “I don’t want them to, you know, obsess over me or think they gotta come and sit on me…So one day I just blurted it out, to my girlfriend. She called me in the morning and I was like, ‘You know I thought about killing myself last night.'”
By talking about it, Henson was able to begin to heal. After telling her friend what had been going on, she said, “‘Oh my god, I feel so much better. I’m not gonna do it now.'”
It seems that remaining in silence allowed the thoughts to ruminate and become stronger. Said Henson, “For me, I’m no professional, but I felt like, if I don’t say it, it becomes a plan. And what scared me, is that I did it two nights in a row, and the thoughts kept coming. Now I started to think about how. At first, it was like, ‘I don’t want to be here.’ And then I started thinking about going and getting the gun. And that’s why when I woke up the next morning, and I blurted it out. Because I felt like after a while it was going to take over me and it was going to become a plan because that’s how strong my brain is.”
Dr. Green assured Henson that her experiences are “absolutely normal,” and that sharing your thoughts out loud can be “very cathartic,” because speaking up “takes away the shame.” She acknowledged that these feelings are sadly common during this time of isolation, particularly for the Black community, who face added stigma when it comes to mental and physical health, along with unequal access to proper treatment and care.
We are heartbroken to hear that Henson had been struggling silently, and we’re grateful that she was able to talk to her loved ones about what she’d been going through. Sharing these experiences can hopefully help chip away at the stigma, and her voice is so necessary to help others feel a little less alone in what they might be battling right now, too.
If you or someone you care about is struggling and experiencing suicidal thoughts, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 to speak with someone who can help. You can also chat with a counselor online here. All services are free and available 24/7. Additionally, here are ways you can help loved ones struggling with depression.
