Stephen Colbert’s turkey tips are exactly what you should discuss with your family this Thanksgiving

We just got some turkey tips from a from famed late-night host that we’re a bit skeptical about following. Stephen Colbert took over Butterball’s turkey talk-line and gave some not-so-great cooking advice to callers. And although listening to Colbert could land some of those Butterball patrons with a serious case of salmonella, we have to admit… he’d be one heck of an entertaining guest to have at our Turkey Day dinner tables. 

In the nine-minute video, Colbert solves the historical standoff between “stuffing” and “dressing,” and panics when a caller tells him that her turkey is missing thighs.

Watch as Colbert delivers his epic turkey tips. But we’re warning you…obey at your own risk! *insert skull and crossbones emoji here*

"Don't be nervous," Colbert tries to reassure. "It's all going to be fine. You're talking to a turkey expert now."

Not sure if we would’ve been able to keep our cool when being met with Colbert on the other end, but it was definitely hilarious to see him in action.

All in all, Colbert did land a couple helpful tips for those turkey inquirers. “Cook it a long time,” and “You’ll be fine as long as you don’t take any of my advice,” are sure-fire ways to ensure your Thanksgiving meal doesn’t send anyone to the hospital.