Stephen Colbert and William H. Macy’s “family meeting” with America is exactly what we needed right now

If there were two celebrities we could see as our dads, it would be Stephen Colbert and William H. Macy. Those kind yet stern eyes, brows furrowed with years of concern, and sincere, fatherly voices with a hint of sarcasm. Yup, as Stephen says himself, these guys give off “major dad vibes.”

But you haven’t witnessed their most dad moments until you see the “family meeting” they hosted on The Late Show.

Here’s where they stand on a few of the usual dad topics:

Drugs

“If someone offers you drugs, remember, just say no, because if you seem too eager, they’ll charge you full price.”

Alcohol

“If you’re gonna drink, we would prefer you do it under our roof.”

“And if you’re gonna do it under our roof, I’d prefer it’s a single malt scotch, none of that blended crap, OK?”

Fireworks

“Remember, it’s dangerous to play with fireworks on the Fourth of July, and it’s just plain weird to do it on Thanksgiving…You weren’t the one who had to scrape stuffing off your grandmother last year.”

Porn

“I found this nudie magazine under your bed. I’m not angry, I’m just confused. You know you have a computer, right?”

“What’s the deal? I don’t understand. Did you forget the wifi password? It’s 1-2-3-Porn.”

Oh, and that “nudie magazine” being named Nasty Women is simply incredible.

Self-Confidence

“Listen, sport, if you take anything away from this family meeting, always have self-respect. If someone is saying mean things about you, he may not really be your friend, he may be your next president.”

We need lots more dad shenanigans like these in the future.