All the signs you and your bestie are ‘friend married’

My favorite film in the whole world is When Harry Met Sally. If you’ve seen it, you’ll recall that the reoccurring question posed in the movie is “can men and women really be just friends.” I think they can. No, I know they can. Here’s why.

In my life, I’ve experienced a variety of relationships that can all be summed up in a term I’ve created, “friend married.” Being “friend married” is when you are unbelievably close with someone. You’re practically family, you spend so much time together. You spend every minute together, but your relationship is completely platonic. There is zero sexual tension there, even if that person is a gender you normally are attracted to. It’s the person that you Skype when you’re across the room from each other, and who knows your blood type even if you’ve forgotten it. Here are ways you’ll know you’ve got a “friend spouse” on your hands:

You’ve taken each other to the doctor’s office and the DMV

It’s not just anyone who will sit in the waiting room doing old crossword puzzles until you get your bloodwork done. A friend spouse is someone who’ll drive you to the dentist and hang out on super mind-numbing errands like getting your driver’s license renewed. Hey, more time for you to flesh out your ongoing argument about which Die Hard was the best.

You know each other’s takeout orders by heart

Your friend spouse knows that you take your General Tso’s extra spicy and with brown rice, and you know they like pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms. You can go ahead and order for them at your favorite brunch spot when they’re running late, and you know what kind of dessert to make for their birthday.

Their family knows you and remembers your birthday

Honestly, they might even know your social security number. You’ve hung out with them so many times for dinners and holidays, that they feel like part of your own family. If I need anything at all, I know my friend mother-in-law is always there for me and my family would be there for him in a heartbeat.

When something bad happens, they’re the first person you call

Whether it’s a horrible hangover, a weird rash, or someone sideswiping your car, your friend spouse is the first person that you text to tell them about it. They’re the ones who help you out of a jam or a bad day. And of course, when you text them “My cold is so bad, i think I must be dying,” your friend spouse’s first question will be, “What are you leaving me in your will?”

They’re your instant plus-one

At family events, a work picnic, a family gathering, you name it: Your friend spouse is there. Plus, they’re totally your wingman when you’re on the prowl.

They’ve helped you out when you’re in a tough financial spot

You know those weekends when you lose your debit card or something goes awry and you just need $50 to get through? Your friend spouse is there, if they can. And you’re there for them when they need you to cover lunch or drinks out that one time. You know they’ll pay you back.

You have the best platonic sleepovers

Live action Scooby Doo movie + peanut butter dunked Oreos = pure bliss.

You’re seen each other at your worst, more than once

My friend spouse’s eighty-pound German Shepard died, and I was the first one there to help. As you could imagine, neither of us were looking too hot that day. But it was important to me that I was there, just like I know that he’d be there when I really needed him, no matter how sweaty and upset I was.

You bicker about anything and everything, but you rarely actually fight

You have an ongoing disagreement about whether Ghostbusters or Wayne’s World is the better movie, and which of the cast of Friends you would actually like to hang out with. But what others mistake for arguing, you know is just ongoing banter.

You can’t imagine your life without them

At the end of the day, I’d do anything for my friend spouse and I know he’d do anything for me, even though there’s nothing romantic between us in the least. I’m so glad he’s a part of my life.

Sydney Heller is a playwriting student at UCLA, a sketch comedy student at The Groundlings, an improv student at ComedySportz LA, and a part-time cooking student at her Romanian grandmother’s house in La Jolla. She enjoys improvising songs, eating practically anything, and talking to her Romanian grandmother. Hi, Grandma! 

30 questions you should ask your best friend
Things you can only get away with if you’re best friends

[Image via Comedy Central]

Filed Under