Say what you want about Gwyneth Paltrow, but the wellness mogul certainly knows how to throw together a delightful gift guide. On the heels of last year’s Goop guide (which listed a yellow submarine and an antique French boat), the brand is back at it again for its 2018 gift guide—and let us tell you, it’s just as glorious as ever. With different sections to peruse (The Traveler’s Gift Guide, The Wellness Junkie’s Gift Guide, and the proverbial The Ridiculous But Awesome Gift Guide), the 2018 Goop gift guide has everything you would never think to ask for…until now.
Since the different categories can be overwhelming to sift through, we’ve compiled a list of all the brilliantly extra items from the 2018 Goop gift guide—from a village in Spain to an “Apesh**t” tour of the Louvre to a rose quartz crystal straw. You’ll never be the same.
Hermès Surfboard, $7,700
Catch some waves near your summer home off the Amalfi Coast. Oh wait, you don’t have one.
Jay-Z and Beyoncé at the Louvre, admission price
Follow in the footsteps of your close and personal friends Beyoncé and Jay-Z in their “Apes**t” music video at the Louvre Museum.
Village in Lugo, Spain, $172,910
Own a rural village in Lugo, Spain, where there’s room aplenty for your yellow submarines.
Glacce Rose Quartz Crystal Straw, $68
Sip your Moon Juice with this rose quartz crystal straw, and eliminate all plastic waste.
Breakfast with Giraffes, price upon request
Enjoy breakfast with giraffes, pre-vaginal steaming at the local spa.
Balloon Expedition Over Mount Everest, $5,950
Hot air balloon over Mount Everest—just don’t forget the Goop energy healing stickers.
Volcano Helicopter Ride, $39,500
Helicopter ride over a volcano, which sounds less terrifying than inserting jade eggs into your vagina.
Clip-On Bidet, from $69
Invest in a clip-on bidet, because news flush: wiping is for the poor and the lowly.
Electric Zero-Emissions Yacht, price upon request
Splurge on a zero-emission yacht, because antique French boats are so 2017.
Shop the rest of the 2018 Goop gift guide on Goop’s website.