Selena Gomez got candid about toxic relationships, and her experience is sadly so relatable
In her first interview since releasing new music last week, Selena Gomez opened up to radio host Zach Sang about a previous “toxic” relationship. She didn’t name any names, but as she referred to her “first love,” we have an inkling that she’s referring to Justin Bieber—whom fans have also been speculating that Gomez’s two new songs are about. Regardless of whom she’s referring to, we’re struck by how relatable Gomez’s experience with unhealthy co-dependency is.
When Sang asked if Gomez “loves love,” she said, “I do. I really do. I’m a hopeless romantic.” But when asked whether she feels differently about relationships now than she did when she was younger, the Living Undocumented producer said:
“Yeah. For sure. You're in a phase of life where you experience love for the first time and I think that can just be a little toxic. When you’re young, you have this codependency that you think is love and then you have this addiction to the passion and the frustration that you think, 'Oh, that's love,' or fighting or doing all this stuff, 'Oh that's love,' and I believed that for a long time.
Like Gomez, so many of us are especially susceptible to toxic relationships when we’re experiencing love for the first time. But, of course, we can be vulnerable to toxic relationships—or, often, a recurring toxic relationship with one person—regardless of our age or experience.
But Gomez says she’s in a healthier place now.
The “Lose You to Love Me” and “Look at Her Now” singer, who calls herself an “advocate for mental health, taking care of yourself, [and] therapy,” also opened up about learning to find strength in her darkest moments.
“There’s a song that basically says, ‘I can’t let myself let me down.’ And I wanted to kind of interpret that as, every time I feel bad, I always end up going into this spiral, and I just feed it," Gomez said. "And I’ve learned over the years to take a step back from that and try to rewire your thoughts so you’re more focused on what it’s going to turn into. Because one of the worst moments of my life ended up becoming one of the biggest blessings of my life. And that’s strength...I’m really grateful for those things, because I can turn it into something good.
She also said that she’s been “super, super single for two years,” choosing instead to focus on her own mental health (and, of course, her long-awaited new album).
But she also added that she’d be open to a healthy relationship in the future, now that she understands what a functional relationship looks like.
“I want to know what love will look like next for me. I want it to be real. I don’t want it to be codependent or messy or [have a] lack of communication. I think when you get older you find people that are actually right for you. That are actually on the same wavelength.”
But, for now, Gomez says, “I’ve been having way too much fun on my own…it feels good. It feels awesome.”
You can listen to Gomez’s full interview below:
We hope others experiencing with toxic relationships can find comfort, strength, and hope in this powerful interview—and remember that you’re not alone.