Everything I need to know, I learned from Ross Geller
All anyone can talk about these days is Friends. What is it, 1994? I’m def not complaining. Since everyone’s favorite friends are on Netflix now, it is safe to say that most of us are going to be marathon-ing the show for the millionth time and it is safe to say that I am going to be talking about Friends on EINTKILF. At least this week. I have written about four out of the six friends (and one couple!) in the past, but I have been reluctant to write about the last two because I never want the reminiscing to end! Anyway, without further ado, here’s Ross — who yes, is my favorite Friend. EINTKILF Ross Geller1. How to properly spray tan. Is it weird that I never wanted to spray tan until Ross spray tanned? I don’t know, guys. 2. Friends > Wives. For anyone who doesn’t know Friends well/at all, there is a whole joke about Ross getting married and then divorced a whole bunch. Though it isn’t Ross’ fault that his first wife ended up falling in love with a woman, it is Ross’ fault that he almost chooses his next wife Emily over his friends. Back story: Ross says Rachel’s name at the altar instead of Emily’s (which is a pretty terrible thing to do), but Emily marries him anyway (also a terrible thing to do), and then becomes really jealous and controlling (which is mayyybe slightly valid) and forbids him to see Rachel. Ok, so I feel like I would also be insanely jealous and untrusting of Ross’ relationship with Rachel, but I also wouldn’t marry someone who said his ex’s name at our wedding. I’d peace outta that situation for sure. It’s not Rachel’s fault and I am really against banning people from seeing their friends, so. PICK YOUR FRIENDS OVER YOUR WIVES / HUSBANDS / RELATIONSHIPS. Is that bad advice? Meh. Oh, and . . . 3. Try to say the right name at your wedding. The best cliffhanger in television history, tbh. 4. Divorce happens. The last thing about Ross’ marriages, I swear. Ross married a lesbian UNKNOWINGLY, obviously, and then he (like an idiot) said the wrong name at his wedding to someone he really had not known for that long, and then he married Rachel when he was wasted in Vegas. So I mean, two out of three marriages were ridiculous in the first place, but I’m just trying to defend my boy for a minute. Divorce happens! Even thrice. 5. You can’t give yourself a nickname. Oh, and there was the whole “Red Ross” nickname. Ross is such a perfect name for nicknames, but you have to have the personality to match it. 6. Don’t cheat. On a more serious note, when Rachel suggests taking a break to Ross, he takes it pretty literally rather quickly and sleeps with The Copy Girl. Of course, the whole “we were on a break” thing is one of Friends‘ running motifs and I feel like everyone has a stance on whether or not a break means a breakup or not. Personally, I think suggesting a break is basically suggesting a breakup, though I also think sleeping with someone else mere hours after your girlfriend suggests a breakup (AND YOU JUST LEAVE THE ROOM WITHOUT A CONVERSATION) is pretty much the worst. I side with Rachel on this one. Cheating is dumb. Talk it out. Feel it out. Give it more than a few hours. 7. How to be a big brother. I know people are really weird about Ross and Monica’s relationship, but I super love it. Ross is so good to Monica. He defends her to their parents even though he is the clear favorite, he supports her in her career, he talks her through a lot of dating issues, he even tries to physically threaten his best friend before he marries his sister! Ross is precious. Gellers for life. 8. Music is life. One of my very favorite Ross moments is when he busts out his keyboard to show his friends his “sound.” Ross explains that he used to make music back when he was a teenager and when everyone insists on hearing it, it is absolutely absurd and (naturally) only Phoebe appreciates it. Even though Ross’ “sound” is not quite music as much as it is literal sounds, I still think that people should chase their dreams and yadda yadda. Also, don’t forget about this: 9. Never give up on true love. And awwwwwwwwwwww. How corny is this lesson? You have to admit that never giving up on true love is the ultimate Ross lesson. Though he and Rachel really took turns being interested-and-not-interested in a relationship with each other, Ross was the ultimate founder of “Ross and Rachel.” Even though he flubbed sometimes, he very clearly always desperately loved Rachel. The prom video, the awkward flirting at parties when he was in college, the leaving Julie, the skipping his television appearance to help her when her rib was broken, the marrying her in Vegas thing, every single kiss they ever share, and the airport admission at the very end. Stick it out. Some things take 10 years. She’ll get off the plane. 10. Other things: Yelling “pivot” over and over is not helpful when trying to move a couch, leather pants are not for everyone, “unagi” is a state of total awareness, flirting does not come naturally to everybody, you can say “f#*@ you” without actually saying it, don’t fake a British accent, and try not to neglect your son when your daughter is born. (Poor Ben.) Oh, and: It is more than ok to not be fine when your best friend falls for the love of your life.