Rachael Berkey
March 18, 2013 8:00 am

I’m what you call a lover, not a fighter. Don’t get me wrong. I grew up as the only girl, the youngest and the regular whipping boy of my siblings. I can throw down if I need to. I don’t often need to. A threatening look is often enough.

But there are times that I really wish I had some bad ass skills to back up my generally self sufficient and confident aura. In those moments, I wish I had one of these.

Chakram

I grew up in the ’80s and ’90s, and I spent a good part of the later half of that watching Xena: Warrior Princess. In addition to learning something about mythology (shut up, I learned the gods’ names, okay?), I got to watch a totally awesome woman kick butt and take names. She was a leader. She was passionate. She also took on gods and demigods, protected the innocent and generally was an incredible role model for a little girl who grew up surrounded by boys and all their mock-fighting shenanigans. Xena would have been able to take my brothers down, and I totally wanted to be like her. And she threw a totally awesome chakram with a crazy yell, and it always did her bidding and returned to her.

I want one.

Sonic Screwdriver

As I’ve mentioned before, I came rather late to the Doctor Who fandom. I can honestly say I’ve seen 90% of the new series, and I’ve seen bits and pieces of the old series. The Doctor, while wearing the mantle of age, experience and battle-ready abilities, also seems like a bit of a lover rather than a fighter. He only fights – and always wins – when he absolutely has to. His weapon of choice – because he hates guns – is a sonic screwdriver. Despite my somewhat stunted exposure to the series, I have yet to see the sonic screwdriver fail to do miraculous things unless those things are made of wood. Don’t ask me why but apparently it just doesn’t have that setting. It fixes things. It unlocks things. It generally makes life better. It also makes a cool sound.

I want one.

Lightsaber

Of course I want a lightsaber. You can’t possibly be surprised. The elegant weapon from a more civilized age comes in a variety of colors. It’s basically a laser. Lasers are awesome. And it’s a saber. Come on! I could learn to fence with that thing. AND! No one would ever mess with me on the lean, mean streets of New York if I was walking around with a lightsaber strapped to my belt, just waiting to be whipped out and ignited! I was always a little angry that Leia didn’t get to have one in the movies, but yes, I know they are the weapons of Jedi, and she is not one. Still. I want to see a girl swinging a lightsaber. I want to be a girl swinging a lightsaber.

I really want one.

Until science catches up with science fiction, I suppose I’m going to have to settle for my general untouchable aura that has led to rather hilarious stories over the years. I’m not a big person. I’m barely 5’3 on a day when I’m feeling tall. And yet, I project a “don’t mess with the bull” vibe or so I’ve been told by men much bigger than me. When asked “who would you rather fight?” by a bunch of coworkers, the boss sized me up and the considerably more intimidating guy I was standing next to before saying the guy’s name. When asked why, his response was, “I know she’s little, but Rachael looks like she fights dirty.”

I do.

That’s what being the little sister trains you for, I guess.

Now, what can we do to jumpstart the engineering revolution so that I can have my lightsaber already? I want a purple one.

Image via WallpapersWA

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