Erin Mallory Long
March 12, 2015 10:46 am

Well, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt debuted on March 6th and I have watched all 13 episodes twice now. This is due to A) the fact that I am currently — what’s the term now — underemployed? and B) the fact that I will follow Tina Fey to the ends of the earth. I know everyone has been upset about the end of Parks and Recreation, but I still have a 30 Rock-shaped hole in my heart. So, I use a healthy dose of Broad City and now Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt to get by.

And thus, five ways Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt has ruined my life (so far):

1. Can’t. Get. That. Song. Out. Of. My. Head.

Seriously, it’s all we can talk about, right? That song is catchyyyyy. And that’s (of course) because it’s supposed to be! The theme song is an auto-tuned version of an eyewitnesses monologue during the start of the pilot. And it’s auto-tuned by the catchy geniuses behind “Bedroom Intruder”. I’d even argue that this theme song is catchier than that (though perhaps Jeff Richmond’s musical writing and the scripted monologue helped that).

And the best part about it is that I can’t stop singing “females are strong as hell” under my breath.

2. It encourages my natural sartorial choices

Kimmy Schmidt has been trapped in an underground bunker after being abducted at 15 and forced into a cult. (But in a sitcom so it’s fine!)

So she is stuck at age 15 in both her interests and her style choices. Which is perfect because Kimmy and I are also the same age. So her 15 is my 15, her references are my references, and yes, her clothing style is most definitely my clothing style.

She wears bright colors, has light-up sneakers, and carrys a backpack. We might as well be the same person.

3. ALSO makes me believe my ‘90s knowledge is useful

Besides her clothing, Kimmy ALSO has ‘90s references for DAYS. Now, this is something that I drop into everyday conversation on the reg but to my shock, most people do not do this.

Between Moesha, the Babysitters Club books, and Hanson, she has got my number. And usually I think “Hey, maybe people DON’T want to hear that re-telling of the Alf radicchio joke again” but watching Kimmy Schmidt I start thinking that maybe it IS useful.

4. “Hashbrown no filter”

One of my all-time favorite things is a “fish out of water” story. Seriously. When we started watching this show, besides yelling “D’Fwan!!!!!” and clapping when Jane Krakowski appeared, I also said to my husband, “WHY do I love this show?” and he knew immediately it was because she’s a fish out of water. I mean, Elf makes me laugh until I start crying and Big was one of my favorite movies growing up, so it all makes sense.

When Kimmy says things that don’t make any sense — like “hashbrown no filter” — I DIE. And also want to say it all the time. Please be on the lookout for me using that as an IG caption in the near future.

5. It makes me miss New York so much

Another similiarity Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt has with Broad City is that they both make me miss New York City SO much.

I understand that might be weird if you’ve never lived there, because maybe neither of those things paint the best picture of New York. But I lived there for ten years and it’s my favorite place on earth (shh, Los Angeles, don’t listen, I still love you), and seeing anything vaguely New York-y makes my heart soar and makes me want to hop on a plane to JFK immediately.

(main image via, Kimmy clothes via, gif via, Titus and Kimmy via)