Gina Vaynshteyn
August 23, 2014 12:34 pm

It’s embarrassing to talk about poop. In fact, I’m a little embarrassed right now. But you know what? Everybody poops. And some of us poopers have problems pooping. It could be our diet, our water consumption, medication, or even other serious medical issues. I know if I don’t drink enough water and eat enough vegetables, I am done for. My colon goes on a pooping strike, and I will feel so bloated, just looking at my skinny jeans will enrage me.

I so badly want to tell everyone about my woes, but from an early age, we’re taught not to bring up anything too private, too inappropriate. And hey, I probably shouldn’t be announcing these kinds of things. . .Which is why I blog about them, instead.

Not pooping sucks. It sucks in ways I didn’t even know. If you’ve been constipated, then you get what I’m talking about. After about three to four days of not being able to take an awesomely satisfying number two, you will start to feel gross. Heavy. Uncomfortable. You can absolutely feel your bowels become weighed down by the last six meals you’ve consumed. Worse yet, are the poop cramps. You know, those sharp pangs you feel in your gut? Usually, they’re a good sign. A sign that means your body is ready to dispose of its compost. But when you’re constipated, those cramps linger and amount to nothing, painfully teasing you of the life you so desperately want back. Being constipated is bad. But being constipated and not being able to talk to anyone about it is worse.

I remember this one day, I was sitting in the TA office on campus with a few other girls, and one pulled out a Fiber One bar, which is my favorite fiber bar ever, and before I knew it, I gave her the nod of approval and told her, “Those are great. They keep you so regular.” She looked at me with that kind of unspoken glance of understanding and relief. “Right?” She said, and laughed.

Speaking of fiber bars. I used to practically get an aneurysm from how hard I rolled my eyes at those Activia and fiber commercials on TV, but now I TOTALLY get it. I get those commercial ladies’ anguish and why they love their yogurt so freaking much. Eating foods that prevent constipation are actually beneficial and pretty amazing (i.e. most vegetables, fiber bars, yogurt or kefir, that probiotic drink from Whole Foods, coffee, oatmeal). There is a reason pooping feels so great! It’s like this tremendous burden has been lifted, and we feel free and light and wonderful.

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