Another season of The Bachelor has come to an end, which means we officially have a new couple, a new heartbreak, and a new batch of drama-filled memories to carry with us forever and always. And in last night’s After the Final Rose episode, runner-up Raven Gates explained her unusual reaction to Nick’s breakup.

In case you missed it (or just want to luxuriate in the finale one more time), Bachelor Nick Viall was forced to end things with Raven because he had ultimately decided to propose to Vanessa Grimaldi. It wasn’t easy — Nick clearly cared about Raven a ton and hated what he was about to do (he’s been in her shoes twice before, after all) — but the show must go on, and the break up had to happen.

Some viewers were then surprised by Raven’s decidedly stoic reaction. There were no tears or melodrama — and some viewers wondered what it meant. Raven explained what exactly was going through her mind during those moments to Nick in the post-ep recap, and girl, WE GET IT.

She went on to explain, “I wanted to be so optimistic in what we had. I was always optimistic. I definitely thought I was going to get engaged that day. I think you can see on my face how shocked I was.”

Nick, for his part, totally understood.

We also are passing zero judgements when it comes to Raven’s understated reaction. Being broken up with on national television can’t be easy, so YOU DO YOU.

We hope Raven is moving on from the experience and that she finds all she’s looking for in life!