Rachel Paige
August 28, 2017 5:51 pm
Helen Sloan/courtesy of HBO

There are spoilers ahead for the season finale of Game of Thrones, “The Dragon and the Wolf.” If you are on the internet right now, it’s safe to assume that you’ve seen the episode. If you haven’t, what are you doing on the internet?? A good idea would be to catch up on all the action right now, but also you’ve got so much time, seeing as how Game of Thrones might not return until 2019. Oof.

The super-sized season finale packed a whole lot of action, drama, reunions, and dragons into 79 minutes. Like any Game of Thrones episode, it was a lot to process, so maybe it’s a good thing the series might not return for two years. Like, it’s going to take me a while to digest everything.

Or we could do it together right now! There were many stand-out moments during the episode, and many more moments that made me go, “Oh wow, Game of Thrones just did that.” Here are the ones that really made me question life, and life in Westeros, aloud:

1. The episode opened with a conversation between Jaime and Bronn where they discuss…cocks. Can I even say that here?? IDK, but I just did. They have like a three minute conversation about the unsullied, and Bronn holds nothing back.

2. Brienne and the Hound have a conversation about their ‘lil assassin bb, Arya, and pretend like once upon a time, they didn’t try to KILL EACH OTHER.

3. Bronn and Pod leave the dragon pit to go have a drink, like that won’t be an awkward drink. Also, with the way that happened I FOR SURE thought everyone remaining in the dragon pit was a goner.

4. Dany arrives to the dragon pit, late, via a dragon, because that’s what you call an entrance.

5. Jon Snow refuses to lie in order to form an alliance with Cersei (and consequently, Dany), and even though he’s honorable, he’s an honorable idiot.

6. Brienne yelled at Jaime, in front of Cersei, and honestly I clutched my heart.

7. Tyrion went into a meeting ALL ALONE with Cersei and she only tried to kill him *once*. (Don’t worry, she didn’t kill him at all.)

8. Jon and Dany disappeared into the wall around the dragon pit, to have a little tête-à-tête, and it was sexually charged AF even though they were only talking about Dany’s family.

9. Oh, and also Jon basically implied that if he and Dany had sex, she would totally get pregnant, and I was honestly fine with this weird AF flirting.

10. Littlefinger implies that Arya is going to kill Sansa and take her face, and wow boy, back the F off.

11. There’s a super awkward conversation back at Dragonstone, where Dany says she’s going to travel North with Jon, and it’s like everyone in the room KNOWS what’s going to happen. Including Ser Jorah.

12. The episode spends roughly 10 mins on Theon. The 10 mins dedicated to Theon ends with him getting kneed in the balls, but surprise, he doesn’t have any, so that was a thing that happened.

13. It’s revealed that Sansa and Arya have been plotting against Littlefinger, and totally call him out in his bullshit and like, OMG.

14. Littlefinger cries!

15. Arya slits Littlefinger’s neck with his own knife!

16. For the second time in the episode, Cersei implies that she is totally okay to kill her own brother. This time, the brother is Jaime.

17. Jaime decides to GTFO of dodge King’s Landing. He leaves. It can be assumed that this means he is D-O-N-E with Cersei.

18. Sam shows back up at Winterfell, and is like, “Hey guys, what’d I miss?”

19. Jon and Dany have sex on a boat — which will hence forth be known in the Targaryen fleet as the S.S. #SexBoat.

20. Also, Dany and Jon are related, but we knew that already.

21. But it’s confirmed, via juxtaposing scenes, with Bran (back in Winterfell) telling Sam about Jon’s true parentage. Meanwhile, Jon and Dany are DOING IT.

22. Tyrion, lurking in the shadows, watches Jon go into Dany’s room, and that’s not weird or anything.




26. Also the Night King is riding Viserion, and seriously, shut it down.

27. The episode ends and Jon does still not know his true parentage, or the fact that he just had sex with his aunt.

Bye! 👋See you whenever Season 8 airs.