1. “Listen up fives, a ten is speaking.” — Jenna
Best use: Trying to command attention from a group of your friends.
2. “PANTS. PANTS.” — Tracy
Best use: When you’re getting dressed in the morning and trying to locate your pants (PANTS PANTS).
3. “I’m doing this so no one will know I’m getting old.” — Tracy
Best use: Proving to others that you’re just as young and nimble as you used to be.
4. “Compromises are for lesser souls. Die, werewolf-zombie.” — Tracy
Best use: When you’re about to defeat a werewolf-zombie.
5. “Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more.” — Liz
Best use: Explaining to others why you’re not going out at 10 p.m. on a Friday night.
6. “I am so glad I studied voice at Northwestern so I can do raps about Suri Cruise.” — Jenna
Best use: Complaining about how ~overqualified~ you are for a silly mundane task.
7. “Who controls my thirst?” — Tracy
Best use: When you’re really thirsty and no one has brought you a cup of water yet.
8. “Science is whatever we want it to be.” — Dr. Spaceman
Best use: A brash rationalization when nothing make sense.
9. “Birds are like little dinosaurs, so what I’ll be doing is actually pretty cool, and brave.” — Tracy
Best use: When you’re about to have a live parrot put on your shoulder because you’re vacationing in a tropical location where there are an abundance of parrots.
10. “What do I do with my arms? I’ve never thought about that before.” — Jack
Best use: Looking to make an awkward situation even more awkward.
11. “Beep beep, ribby ribby.” — Jack
Best use: When you’ve got no other words.
12. “My SEX-u-alll-ity.” — Jenna
Best use: Describing your best feature.
13. “Bird internet.” — Kenneth
Best use: When everyone else is coming up with great ideas and you want to contribute something.
“Where’s my mac and cheese?” “WHERE’S MY MAC AND CHEESE?” — Liz
Best use: WHEN YOU ARE HANGRY.
15. “Me plus you equals frowny face.” — Jack
Best use: Trying to let a date down gently regarding why you’re just not working out.
16. “Happy Anna Howard Shaw Day!” — Liz
Best use: Alternate Valentine’s Day.
17. “I was just thinking about how weird it is that we eat birds.” — Tracy
Best use: Remember that parrot that’s still on your shoulder? Tell this to that bird.
18. “I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.” — Liz
Best use: Justifying your actions, hater.
19. “There are no bad ideas. Just good ideas that go horribly bad.” — Jack
Best use: Anytime you’re doing a group project and everyone wants their voice to be heard, even though it might be bad.
20. “I believe that vampires are the world’s greatest golfers but their curse is that they never get to prove it.” — Tracy
Best use: When you come face to face with a vampire.
21. “No. I wasn’t going to buy two blimps and crash them into each other to see what sound they made.” — Tracy
Best use: When you’re caught red-handed doing something you’re not supposed to be doing.
21. “Pac-Man, I’m Jewish!” — Tracy
Best use: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
23. “Are you a large child or a small adult?” — Tracy
Best use: Trying to make heads or tails out of people at the bar.
24. “Your pavilion at Epcot doesn’t have a ride!” — Avery Jessup
Best use: When you’re trying to stress how much you don’t like a place.
25. “I walked on your face!” — Buzz Aldrin
Best use: When you’re a former astronaut, or just feel like yelling loudly at the moon.
26. “Oh no, someone’s going to get more attention than me!” — Jenna
Best use: If all eyes are on you… and suddenly they’re NOT.
27. “It’s not product placement, I just like it.” — Liz
Best use: When you’re caught accidentally wrapped up in a Slanket.
28. “Don’t drag my best friend, TV, into it.” — Liz
Best use: IF SOMEONE INSULTS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
29. “Somebody bring me some ham.” — Liz
Best use: It is time to CELEBRATE and you want someone to roll out the red carpet for you.
30. “Purr-fect’! Like a cat birthday!” — Tracy
Best use: Something amazing has just happened to you, and you need to inject a cat pun into it.