IFC
Kenya Foy
July 19, 2017 7:15 pm

So, what’s on your agenda for today aside from eating and working? Wait, we guessed it: You have ongoing plans to get your binge watching fix. It’s summer, it’s hot outside, and at this point, aside from staying up on your favorite series of the moment, literally nothing else matters to you.

While you’ve persistently fed your addiction to binge watching, more important real-world obligations like routine bathing, returning texts, and having social interaction (yelling at the characters on your TV or computer screen doesn’t actually count) have fallen by the wayside. It happens, guys. It happens.

Look, you love your “real life,” but keeping up with your favorite series is an absolute must, no matter how many times your friends and family have tried to convince you that your binge-watching habit is absolutely out of control.

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Seriously, you could be flourishing in life, but you’re too busy pressing play on the next episode. Here are some signs you have a legit problem:

1You plan your life around binge-ing your favorite series.

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Where do you see yourself in five years? What are your career goals. Well, that all depends on how quickly you can get through the series in your Netflix queue.

2You have no idea WTF to do with yourself once a series ends.

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Other than immediately find another show to binge.

3You neglect chores and personal hygiene.

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You lost your grip on that putrid body odor somewhere between Episodes 5 and 6 of House of Cards because you couldn’t manage to tear yourself away from the Underwoods’ non-stop political fuckery. But it’s all good because at least you don’t smell nearly as bad as that pile of dishes in your kitchen sink.

4Your ignore friends and family to binge watch.

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Meh, that bridesmaids dress fitting you agreed to go to can wait. And mom? That person sounds vaguely familiar, like a woman you once knew before you committed to a lifetime of non-stop streaming.

5You make passive-aggressive comments when people take too long to finish a show.

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“Ugh, you’re only on Episode 3?!?” you snarl to anyone who has the audacity to prioritize anything else over watching TV (srsly, the nerve).

6You treat the act of finishing a series in record time as a badge of honor.

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Even though this is just another testament to the fact that your binge-watching has gotten way out of hand.

7Catching up on your fave show is a totally legit reason to miss work.

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Taking a “mental health day” is actually code for ditching work to treat your anxiety over that cliff-ending episode by binge-watching all day.

8You try to limit yourself to a few episodes but fail every time.

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Before you know it, that one more episode you couldn’t resist watching was six hours and two seasons ago.

9You routinely sacrifice sleep to finish a series.

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We’ve all been there, remote in hand, fighting off sleep until the credits roll or until Netflix asks us if we’re still watching. For you, the answer to that is always an emphatic “YES” accompanied with indignation about the passive-aggressive judgment. We already have a mom, Netflix. Let us live, please.

10You get angry when others don’t want to binge with you.

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How could they be so patient to wait days on end to finish another episode? Honestly, they have their priorities screwed up if they’d rather go out to eat or visit a museum when there’s a marathon of ’90s movies just waiting to be watched.

11Watching a few episodes is a part of your morning ritual.

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Yawn, stretch, sit up in bed, and immediately press play on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt before your eyes can even adjust to the light. That’s how it goes for a lot of us, at least according to recent data on Netflix users’ bingeing habits. The findings show plenty of people love to get a hearty laugh around 6 a.m. with the help of the streaming service’s many comedy series.

Listen, we’re not suggesting that you should never binge watch (that’s just preposterous), but if you routinely engage in one or more of these activities, then it might be time to hit pause on your favorite series. You can always buy a box set or catch them on your favorite app, but the outrageous amount of time you spend glued to the screen is something you’ll never be able to get back.

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