Gina Vaynshteyn
March 06, 2014 8:30 am

No matter the time of day, Trader Joe’s is always packed with determined moms, dads who stare at the cheese section and then back at their shopping list and back at the cheese again in sheer panic, teenagers from the local university who walk away with a bag of organic chips and bottle of Trader Joe’s vodka they bought with a fake ID, couples arguing with each other about whether she should grill the pesto chicken sausage or the apple chicken sausage (so much sausage!), and there’s always an assorted group huddled by the samples of cherry juice and quinoa, spinach and cranberry salad.

Trader Joe’s is our favorite neighborhood market and for good reasons. The produce is generally fresh and sometimes even pre-cooked which makes our lives SO much easier! Their snacks are innovative, delicious, and intuitive, as though Trader Joe’s knows exactly what we want, and when we want it.

Any great establishment has its loyal and devout followers, and every one of us has particular tastes and favorites which usually reflect upon on our lives and personalities as food often does. For instance:

Three Buck Chuck

Although Trader Joe’s increased the price by a dollar, this is one of the cheapest bottles of okay-ish wine you can find. Chances are, you are purchasing a bottle of Three Buck Chuck because you are in college and you are broke, and you don’t really know or care about the difference between good and bad wine. Also, your roommates are waiting for you with pizza and the latest episode of Parks and Rec.

Cheese

You are hosting a dinner party and you want to impress everyone with a cheese platter, which we all know is effing elegant. It also provides everyone with an excuse to drink a lot because wine and cheese, hello?

Dark chocolate Powerberries

You do a lot of yoga, or at least you think about doing a lot of yoga. You listen to RainyMood a lot and write poetry about nature and spirituality in your free time.

Cookie butter 

You’re about to get your period and you hate everything. Except this jar of cookie butter.

Thai lime and chili cashews

You studied abroad in college and got a tattoo that symbolizes your eye-opening experiences and transformational journey.  You’ve hitch-hiked to Santa Cruz on a whim, and you make sure to try something new everywhere you go because life is short, man.

Chocolate chip brownie and oats bars

You keep telling yourself you need to eat more oatmeal because it’s such an amazing and healthy breakfast choice but you’ve always hated oatmeal so this will have to do.

Candy Cane Joe Joe’s

You decorate your Christmas tree as soon as it’s time to throw away the pumpkins. You always order hot chocolate at Starbucks and own at least fifty sweaters. You use the term “cozy” a lot.

Omega Trek trail mix

Your hobbies include: hiking, stretching, swimming, and purchasing expensive and bright colored sneakers that perform exquisitely and you like to Instagram pictures of your feet whenever you’re out and about in nature.

Fair trade Bolivian blend coffee

The only reason why you want to get married is to put a La Spaziale espresso machine in your wedding registry.

Mac and cheese bites

You’re having a bad day. No one answered your group text, you didn’t get that raise you hoped for, Leo STILL didn’t win an Oscar, and you wonder whether life even has meaning.

Soy & Flaxseed tortilla chips

You probably hand make your own shampoo with baking powder and honey. You go on cleanses just for fun and force friends into watching documentaries about plant-based diets and evil corporations. You joined the Peace Corps after you graduated from college with a degree in Environmental Studies.

PB&J chocolate bar

You grew up reluctantly, taking this whole “adult” thing in stride. You still have Hello Kitty pillows and notebooks and you firmly believe in the power of glitter. If anyone asks you what your favorite movie is, you either say The Goonies or Alice in Wonderland.

Milk chocolate covered potato chips

Your favorite thing in the world is the state fair and not because you love going on all the rickety and rusty rides put together by overworked carnies. You’re in it for the fair food. The chocolate covered bacon, the fried Twinkies and Oreos. You will try ANYTHING.

Maple leaf cookies

You wish you lived in Canada.

Chocolate crème brûlée

You like things decadent so you can say the word “decadent”. You shop at The Gap and Express. You own seven pairs of skinny black jeans and almost always wear a high bun.

Gone Bananas chocolate covered bananas

You find it challenging to fulfill your daily fruit and veggie quota. You hate banana flavored things, but really like real bananas.

 Cinnamon cats cookies (for people)

You are an OG Trader Joe’s gangster. You’ve been shopping at Trader Joe’s since you were forced to go with your mom. You know the store like the back of your hand and there is no where in the world you would rather shop.

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