Rachel Paige
December 10, 2015 9:34 am

Do you like pizza, turtles, Master Splinter, and craziness? Great, then you’re going to love the brand new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer. It follows in the footsteps of the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which will from now on will be TMNT), with Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Leonardo back in the sewers. Megan Fox is back as April O’Neil. And Michael Bay is back to produce, which means that it’s all explosions all the time, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

What’s the plot? Er, all explosions all the time seems to be what they’re going with right now. The movie seems to know it’s absurd, and it’s totally embracing it. Wanna see the absurdity yourself? Check out the trailer here,  and let’s dive in with some stream-of-consciousness thoughts.

1. Please note, I’m really just here for Arrow‘s Stephen Amell, who joins the movie as Casey Jones.

2. Also I was a Ninja Turtle once for Halloween, so I just want to get this all out there.

3. There’s some sort of dark cloud forming over New York City, and it looks like a wormhole/portal to another dimension.

4. Know who can save the day? THE TURTLES.

5. How are they going to save the day? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

6. But their gear looks really cool. So does their newly revamped Shellraiser.

7. They probably don’t get great mileage on that thing.

8. Shout out to Buffalo, New York, where this scene was filmed. I only know that because I went to college in Upstate New York and I recognize “Utica Street” in the background. Way to go, Buffalo!

9. First action scene of the movie. There are going to be a lot of these.

10. Also hope there’s a lot of this sewer-waterslide stuff. This would actually make for a great film tie-in at some water park, if Paramount is looking to do that.

11. For clarification, the Turtles are not superheroes, they are just “four brothers, who hate bullies and love this city.”

12. Fox makes her first appearance in the trailer as April. Her coat needs to be a few more shades yellow.

13. And here he is. STEPHEN AMELL IS HERE. Casey Jones is a vigilante himself, and wears a hockey mask and always carries a large hockey stick with him.

14. Casey Jones is probably not going to do the salmon ladder in this movie, but we can hope.

15. If you didn’t think there were enough crazy bad guys in the first movie, get ready for Bebop and Rocksteady, who are Shredder’s henchmen.

16. April appears to be preparing for battle, so she ties her white blouse like Britney Spears in the “…Baby One More Time” video.

17. I’ll admit I’m not as familiar with the TMNT fandom as I am with others, but is this something her character does?

18. Like, “Oh! Gotta suit up to fight!” [ties blouse around waist]

19. Moving on, Casey Jones is back, and in case you couldn’t tell, he’s really into hockey.

20. Then Will Arnett shows up. Where has he been this whole time?

21. Vernon speaks the truth, though. When something bad happens, you want to be with the Turtles.

22. Where are the Turtles? They’re currently trapped in the water?

23. It’s like a roaring river or something. It looks like their Shellraiser is submerged.

24. Then there’s a tank. That comes out of the water.

25. And a torpedo.

26. Honestly, I don’t even know the first thing that’s happening in this scene. Everything is happening in this scene.

27. By the end of the trailer I’m actually laughing out loud, because what even IS all of this?

Here’s the trailer if you want to watch it again for additional clarity.

To find out exactly what it all is, you’re going to have to check out Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows when it lands in theaters on June 3rd, 2016. In the mean time, cowabunga dude.

(Images via YouTube)

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