Rachel Paige
August 25, 2014 2:09 pm

Last week, we were reminded that movie villains have a particular penchant for classical music. Slate’s supercut video proved that if you’re a bad guy in a movie, you probably can’t do your job unless you listen to Beethoven or Mahler on repeat. It’s just the way it is, sorry entire genre of music. But that’s not the only way movie villains experience pleasure. Aside from the destruction of all that is good in the world, bad guys have some interesting secondary passions. If you’re looking to embark on a career as a movie villain, consider taking up the following hobbies. Just don’t include them in an online dating profile—they probably won’t go over very well.

1. Creepily petting cats

Buy a cat, and keep it with you at all times. Constantly pet it. You can have a fluffy cat, like Dr. Claw in Inspector Gadget.

Or a not-fluffy cat, like Dr. Evil in Austin Powers. Completely your choice.

2. Rocking capes

Maybe you could invest in a good cape, but be careful with capes. Sometimes they cause trouble, which Syndrome learned the hard way in The Incredibles.

3. Refusing to wear matching attire

Oddly mismatched suit pieces seem to work for villains, even though mixing colors doesn’t really work well for anyone else. Bond Villain Raoul Silva pulls this off quiet well.

4. Large dining room tables

Villains love large dining room tables to entertain lots of their (captured) friends. Here Darth Vader has set up a nice spread for his (captured) friends in Empire Strikes Back.

5. Aquariums

For a change of scenery, large dining tables work very well in front of aquariums for added ambiance—see Dr. No’s interior design choice.

6. The slow-clap

They just know how annoying it is to everyone else, or maybe they just don’t have such great hand-eye coordination.

7. Masks

When you’re putting together your villain outfit, consider a mask for the full effect—like Batman‘s Bane or Hannibal’s, eh, Hannibal.

8. Other animal sidekicks

Remember, animal sidekicks work great, like in Pirates of the Caribbean, with Captain Barbosa’s monkey, Jack.

Or Jafar’s Iago in Aladdin.

Or, Ursula’s eels, Flotsam and Jetsam, in The Little Mermaid. Disney really likes those animal sidekicks, huh?

9. Expensive and/or kind of gross snacks

You rarely see a villain just sit down with a delicious hamburger. No they have to fish eggs with a silver spoon, rare monkey brains, and a really expensive bottle of wine from the dark ages.

10. Their hair

Ever noticed how much product is in a villain’s hair? They usually let it grow long in the back and slick it back with copious amounts of “anti-frizz” gel. Man, they hate frizz.

Sometimes they wrap that excess hair into a bun.

And other times, they just put all their energy into twirling their mustaches—evilly, of course.

(Images via here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, herehere, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here.)