The Hottest Hotties That Ever Hottied
Ladies, let’s be real: 2013 was a stellar year for the man crush. Whether you were ogling over one of the many members of British boy bands (so many to choose from, so little time), eagerly awaiting a chair turn from People’s Sexiest Man Alive, Adam Levine, flying high after finding yourself a new Superman in Henry Cavill or simply reveling in all things Justin Timberlake, the delusional dating calendar was seriously full. One might even think it’s all downhill after such an epic rise in dreamboats but, that would be erroneous. The truth? When Malcolm McDowell exclaimed to James Earl Jones “He’s like, the hottest hottie that ever hottied”, he was talking about the leading men that are set to grace 2014 with their presence. Need proof? Let’s review the seven pop culture pretty boys who will be breaking hearts from the big screen in the coming months.
Of course, ZEfron made the list. He always makes the list and any list without him really isn’t a list at all. Regardless of the fact that he is likely to actually go down as the hottest hottie to ever hottie, he is staking claim to our hearts yet again this year and in a big way. Not only is he starring in one of this year’s most hyped romantic comedies, That Awkward Moment, he also graces the pages of InStyle’s February issue. The multi-page spread proves he is hotter than ever, with a smolder that nearly causes the pages to burst into flames and an interview in which he discusses the importance of manners and being a gentleman. With a highly anticipated on-screen, charm-filled bromance and a magazine spread made for keeps, it will be hard for anyone besides Zac to win the number one spot in our hearts this year. Just when we think we may have moved on, he coolly makes a comeback, charming and irresistible as ever, nothing awkward about it.
It doesn’t get much more All-American than Miles Teller, and by All-American I mean he has the ability to make you forget about every boy with a British accent you ever had your eye on. He is the epitome of the guy next door, except no one has ever had a neighbor with a smirk as sweet as Teller. Miles has been around for a while but, he captured serious attention last year for his uncanny portrayal of the rebellious, life-of-the-party Sutter Keely, in The Spectacular Now.
This year, he perfects that popular, frat-boy facade when he gets his bromance on in That Awkward Moment, showcasing his ability to make you laugh until you’ve fallen head over heels in love. As if you’re not already plotting ways to take this hottie home to mom, Teller can currently be found at Sundance for the premiere of Whiplash, a film in which he actually plays the drums, and will shortly be seen as the leading antagonist in the cult trilogy Divergent. Dare we say, triple threat? Plus, he loves Swedish fish and keeps company with the same best friends he has had since high school. All-in-all prepare for an incurable case of Miles-fever that will put your first school girl crush to shame. Sometimes you’ll love to love him and sometimes you’ll love to hate him but you won’t be able to stop crushing on this modern day frat-boy with Dean Martin-esque charm. Don’t worry, no one will blame you for accidentally doodling his name on your notebook.
Michael B. Jordan
Everyone’s new favorite Jordan begins the year as part of the swoon-inducing triple threat that is That Awkward Moment. You could have easily been a fan prior to his big-screen debut, spotting him in Friday Night Lights or Parenthood, where he is equally as crush-worthy but, this is the year we all become super fans. The minute Michael becomes a leading man, none of us stand a chance; time to pencil in a new name atop the list of dream dates. With a truly bangin’ body that lives up to his prestigious last name, a devastatingly charming smile that makes you weak in the knees and an attitude that walks the line between shy and life of the party, he is the crush every girl will be admitting to. He shoots, he scores and I think I speak for us all when I say I hope this one runs into overtime.
Divergent is the word buzzing in the streets which means soon, Theo James will be dancing in our dreams. The biggest young adult obsession since, well, maybe ever, hits theaters in March and James is front and center, taking on the persona of Four; the brooding heartthrob who left millions of ladies wishing they could declare their Dauntless loyalty in a real life Choosing Ceremony. Haling from Oxford, England, James joins a long line of British boys that American girls have had the serious hots for. Scratch that; he leap frogs the line, besting any other man to ever come out of our favorite country across the pond.
This year, we all have the pleasure of being schooled in the art of “tall, dark and handsome” and Theo James is the acclaimed professor. While his deep dark eyes, dimples for days and bulging biceps compete for center of attention, women of the world are left to contemplate the fact that a man came along and out-hottied the long swooned over James Franco. Winning the collective heart of the American girl is no easy feat but, the scary truth is, Theo James is about to leave us all forgetting we ever loved another. Move over, EVERYONE. There is a new Brit boy in town. We can only hope he decides to make himself at home.
It doesn’t really matter if any of the Fifty Shades of Grey are your color, Jamie Dornan looks good on anyone. It is an undisputed fact that he is the hottest man, myth or legend to come out of Northern Ireland; his ability to be superhumanly sexy while simultaneously looking like a guy you might saddle up next to at the pub for a chat is a combination that has us all longing for an Irish meet-cute. His swoon-inducing abs, comparable only to one of those Greek statues, and all around swoon-inducing body have been on display in numerous scantily clad campaigns as of late (Calvin Klein, there is a special place in heaven for you.) This year however, he takes his sex symbol status to a whole new level when he stars as Christian Grey. If you are one of the many who pined after Grey on the pages, Dornan bringing him to life will make all other aspects of this year irrelevant. And if you didn’t partake in this cult obsession? I guarantee you’ll still be jumping on the Jamie Dornan bandwagon, happy to ride the hotness train off into the 2014 sunset.
Ansel may not yet be well know but soon, all the ladies in all the lands will be swooning over this up and coming cutie. As if his dreamy and mysterious non-smile, superbly styled hair and slightly European look weren’t enough to have us hanging his poster on our wall, he will catapult into super stardom this year with leading roles in film adaptations of two wildly popular books. Hordes of screaming fans will first fall in love as Ansel portrays soft spoken, book smart Caleb Prior in Veronica Roth’s Divergent. Later we will all grow undeniably attached when he brings immensely charismatic Augustus Waters to life in John Green’s The Fault In Our Stars. Did I mention he’s only 19? Watch out, ladies. Ansel Elgort is coming for your hearts and it’s likely he’ll be holding them hostage for years to come.
It was inevitable that at least one of the Hemsworth brothers would drive us to the theatre this year, our hearts all a flutter. How so much hotness landed in one family is beyond logic but, this year Liam takes the cake. The premiere of Mockingjay means serious screen time for Gale who, like Liam in real life, is nothing short of a ruggedly handsome heartthrob. Let us not forget all the appearances and interviews he will be doing leading up to the release, during which he will speak and we will hear nothing but his Australian accent and our own hearts beating out of our chests. It is certainly difficult to decide between Team Peeta and Team Gale on screen but, few among us have ever questioned our Team Liam allegiance. Hemsworth is one hottie we’d head into the Hunger Games with. Say it with me now, “I volunteer as tribute.”
No doubt 2013 saw the rise of some of our most legendary pop culture crushes and, for a moment, it was a little sad to see them go. However, a quick peak into the coming year proves that 2014 plans to take heartthrobs to a whole new level. In the wise words of James Earl Jones, this year’s leading men are “hotties times infinity plus another infinity.” Totes McGotes, Mr. Jones. Totes McGotes. Let the swooning begin.