The Taylor Swift Guide to Dancing
I don’t care what anyone says, I think Taylor Swift is an awesome dancer. Her moves—like her music—send a super-positive message about self-confidence. She’s not afraid to be adorably geeky, to goof around and be perfectly imperfect if she’s feeling the music. As long as she’s having a good time, she’s the coolest lady in the room. Truth.
You know when people say “dance like nobody’s watching?” Taylor lives it, and it’s pretty inspirational. To get you started on the path to living out loud with full-blast enthusiasm like Taylor, let’s take a look at some of her best moves.
First step, take that ribbon dancing stick and bat away anyone trying to hold you down. If someone ain’t buyin‘ what you’re selling, that’s their problem. You’ve got a ribbon dancer, what’ve they got? Just a bad attitude.
Second step, don’t wait for a party to start before busting out your moves. If your friends aren’t joining in, no big whoop. But start small like Taylor. You gotta let the rhythm inside you build. You don’t climb a mountain by starting at the peak, folks.
Again, don’t jump into your splashiest moves. Whip your clothes around if possible, as though you’re gearing up for the dance of a lifetime. You are a beautiful bird, ready to take flight in the music of the night. And do as T. Swift does and stretch that leg, too. Don’t wanna snap a hammie.
When you’re ready to launch into dance orbit, launch away. Leap your little heart out in an expression of passion. You will look spastic and it will be wonderful. As long as your emotions are translating themselves into physical expressions of joy, that’s all that matters.
As you engage in this frolic, know there is no turning back. You have fully committed to living your life as the fates intended: free and full of fire. Take up as much space as possible, flailing as much as you can. This is your announcement to the world that you are just gonna do you. And you are a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox.
This is where facial expressions come into play. All the sassy dancing in the world amounts to zilch if your face is just sitting there like a bump on a log. If you’re not sure what to do, take a page from Tay. Make a face that says “Check this out. Jealous? Also, you’re welcome.”
If you’re still a bit hesitant, there’s no shame in miming out the instrumental portions of the song. If Taylor can play a pretend trumpet, why can’t we all?
Grab whatever’s nearby and incorporate it into your dance. If it’s a blanket at a bonfire, great! If you’re at the office, you can lasso a mouse around your head or rapid-click a stapler to maybe add some percussion. Get it? Simple touches bring so much more movement.
Sometimes there’s just too much craziness surrounding you and you can’t even deal. If people are crampin‘ your style, crowding you and trying to dance up on you, just throw up your hands and shake that head to show your displeasure.
If you’re not standing out quite as much as you would hope, try this move. It gets the attention back on you and, most importantly, your face. It also gives you a chance to work on your hand and arm dancing technique.
If you trip, slip, get stuck in your own clothes, whack your head on something, or get trapped in a blanket, keep going. This shows your true grit and devotion to your free-spirited lifestyle. It takes hard work to stay easy-going, gang.
A cousin of the sexier body roll, this move is for an intermediate skill set. As you can see, when executed perfectly, it lends an elegance and smoothness to your persona, no matter your wardrobe choice.
Sometimes people might tell you it’s an inappropriate time for dancing. These people are wrong.
Dance your way across the USA. And the whole world! There’s no need to stop shakin‘ it just because you’re trying to get from one place to another. What sounds like more fun: calmly walking to Starbucks for coffee or making your way to the shop shakin‘ that thang up and down and all around? I think we know the answer.
Don’t worry about anyone stealing your dance crown. If they try, all they need is a Swift pat on the head to remind them you’re the true dancing queen.
The Mr. Burns
This is the single most powerful move in your dance belt. It says money, power, and excellence above all else. Also, you’ll probably make a ton of friends for flashing the international symbol that says you love The Simpsons.
You may be queen, but even a queen needs her subjects. Get everyone to join the party for a funsplosion dance routine—preferably done in formal-wear.
Finally, when you’ve completed your dance revolution, strike a pose. If possible, carry a wind machine wherever you go to ensure the wind-swept effect is readily available. Hold your pose with a fierce stare fixed on your audience. You are now prepared for life, T. Swift-style. Go forth and dance.