jessica tholmer
Updated Jul 09, 2014 @ 5:35 am

I told you guys it was Harry Potter month! On Tuesday, JK Rowling released a “column” on Pottermore updating us on the wizard’s trio. Written in the voice of fictional gossip correspondent, Rita Skeeter, the 1,500 word story reunites the friends, now in their 30s, at the 2014 Quidditch World Cup Finals. Harry’s got silver streaks in his hair and a mysterious cut on his cheekbone, Hermione’s career is skyrocketing and Ron’s “famous ginger hair appears to be thinning slightly.” (More here.)

I both love and hate when Rowling comes out with more information about her beloved characters—love because duh and hate because stuff like “Hermione shouldn’t have been with Ron” comes up in casual conversation. But, I love Rowling, and I love her imagination, and I am forever indebted to her for changing my life with her series.

That being said, I cannot help but fantasize about what I’d really want to see in a new Harry Potter story. Let’s discuss, shall we?

1. House elves!

I am the first to tell you that I think the whole S.P.E.W. storyline is super boring, but I was also one of the only people I know that loved Dobby intensely, even before his untimely death. I never thought of Dobby as a “Jar Jar Binks,” I thought he was one of the best characters from the get-go. But, I digress. Though I love S.P.E.W. for what it stands for—not the acronym, I mean the whole equality thing—it comes in the midst of way cooler stuff and therefore comes across as a bit of a snooze-fest for me. Regardless of all of those opinions, it would be really cool to hear more about the house elves, in general. All of the secrets they know about their masters, how Winky is doing, if there is like a Dobby statue somewhere, built without magic, and prayed to every night?! I don’t know. It means a lot to me.

2. Harry renames his kids

Yeah, yeah, the epilogue is whatever, but the worst part for me was the name “Albus Severus.” I mean, what. I get it, I see why that is supposed to be touching but a) those names do not go together and b) I mean. . .you don’t have to name your kid after Snape. I know he was totally not what Harry thought he was after all those years, but giving your child his name is a little much, don’t you think?

3. Hermione as Minister

I forget. . .do we hate the Ministry of Magic still, like even after everything goes down? Regardless, it would be great to see Hermione as Queen of the World, so I will accept Minister as a pretty good alternative.

4. Neville becomes Headmaster

I mean, Neville is the best, am I right? Ever since he got the points in the first book, I knew Neville would be a BFD one day. And that he was. Neville really started from the bottom and now he’s here. Well, he’s there. Whatever, regardless, Hogwarts meant a lot to Neville, and he really took over the school in his final year. It would be rad to see him as Headmaster.

So, I made the joke and then found the meme. Just so we’re clear.

5. And also, Luna marries Neville

Whatever, Hannah Abbott! I don’t really get why she is Neville’s wife instead of Luna. It just always made sense for these two to get together as the honorary extras in the HP “trio.”

6. Who are the aurors fighting?

Of course dark magic must still be a thing, even without Voldemort around, right? They are out there fighting someone/thing, so what is it all about? And Voldemort is gone, but what happened to his followers? Sup with the Death Eaters now?

7. Did Harry ever get a new owl?

#cryingfaceemoji #neverforget

8. The aftermath of Fred

There was so much that went on during the Battle of Hogwarts that it is nearly impossible for Rowling to have touched base on anything, including the loss of family. Regardless, I know we have been thrown a bone here and there about the Weasley’s lives since Fred passed, but I feel like maybe I would be a bit more content if I knew exactly what had happened after he died. What was the funeral like? How is George doing? What about Mrs. Weasley? Did Percy feel like the worst for the rest of his life?

Ugh, I’ll never let this go, ever.

9. The rise of Voldemort

Of course we get a taste of how Tom Riddle became Voldemort over the course of the series, but I would kill to read something more from his perspective than Harry’s. It would be awesome to read more about his family, and even his time at Hogwarts and his relationship to Dumbledore and Slughorn, and everyone in between. Was Voldemort ever in love? Was he ever regretful? Did he mourn anything ever? It would be so, so good.

10. The Marauders

Besides all of that, though, what I would really, really desperately want to see in a new Harry Potter story is a darn prequel about his family. Since Prisoner of Azkaban, I have always craved knowing more about James, Sirius, their rivalry with Snape, and of course, Lily. It would be such a delight to read even a book that focused a bit more on Harry’s heritage, and a bit less on Harry. Any more time I could have with Sirius would be a dream come true.

Some other things I would like to hear more about: Neville’s parents; Gilderoy Lockhart’s life; Teddy Lupin, in general; where did blast-ended skrewts come from; pretty much anything about Draco; and are Hagrid and Madame Maxime in love yet, or what?

Those are just a few ideas. What would you guys want to see in a new Harry Potter story?

Featured image via fanpop, Dobby image via tappedout, Neville image via funni.est, Hedwig image via harrypotterwikia, Sirius/James image via fyeahsirius.