Shaunna Murphy
Updated Feb 12, 2017 @ 11:18 am
while you were sleeping
Credit: Buena Vista Pictures Distribution, Inc.

No matter if you’re single, dating, married, or anywhere in between, you have a right as a living, breathing human to hate on Valentine’s Day. Advertising surrounding the holiday can make you feel lonely and depressed if you’re single, or anxious and insecure if you’re not — and we totally understand why a whole lot of people would rather curl up under a blanket with ice cream and Netflix than deal with a last-minute dinner reservation, and the pressure of buying their significant other an adequate present.

If you’re one of those single or single-ish people totally avoiding all things V-Day this year, we’ve got your back — and have curated the perfect collection of films that’ll make you feel super, super okay about your February 14th.

1 It Follows

Credit: RADiUS-TWC

Nothing will make you feel okay about your lack of a sex life quite like It Follows, the critically acclaimed 2015 horror flick where sex itself is both the monster haunting its heroine and her only means of survival.

(Not safe for viewing if you have a Tinder date within the week.)

2 All Good Things

Credit: Magnolia Pictures

Before you question the presence of a Ryan Gosling movie on this list, know that he’s playing Robert Durst. And this movie tells the story of him maybe (definitely) killing his wife and getting away with it, due to his money and privilege.

You’re welcome for ruining your soul-aching crush on Ryan Gosling. It was never going to happen, anyway 🙂

3 Twilight

Credit: Summit Entertainment

In the first installment of this horror franchise, Bella is a normal, intelligent girl who moves to the Pacific Northwest and is promptly stalked by an ancient undead broody teen who wants to date but also eat her.

In later films, the undead teen gets her pregnant, and their hybrid-baby kills her from the inside. She never returns to school.

4 While You Were Sleeping

while you were sleeping
Credit: Buena Vista Pictures Distribution, Inc.

Look — we love Sandra Bullock, too. She’s starred in some of the greatest romantic movies of all time. But in while While You Were Sleeping, she plays an unhinged woman who preys upon a comatose man and his family like the Freddy Krueger of love. That her eventual romance with said comatose man’s brother is supposed to be something we root for us actually insane.

This movie will make you despise all things cheesy romance, which might just be what you need on a solo V-Day.

5 The Last Five Years

Credit: Radius-TWC

This movie is great if you like watching a perfect-on-paper couple’s marriage slowly and painfully crumble, but in musical format.

6 Love, Actually

love actually
Credit: Universal Pictures

Lindy West wrote the definitive takedown of Love, Actually for Jezebel back in 2013, noting that, among other terrible things, it shows us that “the less a woman talks, the more lovable she is,” via characters like Lúcia Moniz’s Aurelia, who “wins” Colin First despite being unable to communicate with him, and Emma Thompson’s Karen, who is brilliant and kind but loses her husband to his sexy secretary.

This only scratches the surface of why Love, Actually is a cynical mess, but reading West’s essay then rewatching the film is a pretty surefire bet if you want to laugh your ass off at “romance.”