When it comes to holiday anthems, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is so utterly indispensable that Christmas would probably cease to be Christmas without it. There’s really not a lot to find wrong with this merry, angelic piece of pop.
And yet. Have you ever seen the video? If you don’t remember, it’s a home movie-style montage of Mariah celebrating around a tree and frolicking with Santas in snow, and it’s meant to feel like a personal, nostalgic homage to Christmas. But watching it now, there’s something distinctly…shall we say…horror-esque about it?
First we start off with this eerie kaleidoscope of Santas, which already feels like a descent into madness:
After another montage, we find Mariah standing alone in a cold, isolated expanse. Night is approaching. Do we know how far from home she is?
How about this barn? Someone was SO murdered there:
Sure, there’s plenty of happy imagery like ornaments, lights, and presents…
But just when you think you’re safe, BAM: BUNNICULA!
What are you running from, Mariah?
Is it this rando Santa hanging out in THE MIDDLE OF FREAKIN’ NOWHERE? Like that’s not suspicious.
Sure, your outfits might be on point, and you might be surrounded by cute dogs…
But that won’t save you when Bunnicula and Bunnicula Jr. are lurking.
Perhaps that nutcracker could be used in self-defense…
Is Mimi starting to lose her MIND? (Gosh, let’s hope not.)
And what is this creepy cage full of Christmas decorations? GET OUT OF THERE, MIMI! BE ELUSIVE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
And this Santa? DRUNK.
This is literally everyone’s nightmare. WHEN WILL IT END?
And does someone want to explain who this mystery snowmobile driver is? Don’t get into cars, vans, or any all-terrain vehicles with strangers, folks!
Granted, it all seems to turn out OK for Mariah. In the end, Santa departs, Bunnicula is seemingly out of the picture, and we’ve long forgotten about whatever happened in that barn. But still…Christmas might never be the same again.
Don’t believe us? Check out the video in full here:
(Images: Columbia Records / YouTube)