Alyssa Thorne
February 02, 2017 9:39 am
BRENDAN SMIALOWSKI/ Getty Images

We’re all THRILLED with the news that Beyoncé and Jay Z are expecting twins, and not just because we’re really excited for the amazing Carter girl band we have coming in fifteen years or so. We love Beyoncé, and so what makes her happy, makes us happy. But after doing a little bit of adding up, it’s just occurring to us that Beyoncé is slated to perform at Coachella…in April. That’s like, less than three months from now. And from what we’re able to glean, Beyoncé is four to five months pregnant right now, which poses a problem.

So yeah. Guys, we’ve got to talk about how realistic it is for Beyoncé to perform at Coachella while seven to eight months pregnant because…yikes.

We consulted good ol’ reliable WebMD, since searching for rules about exercising while pregnant isn’t likely to convince us we’re dying of swine flu like searching WebMD usually does, and it’s a pretty mixed bag as far as our ~hopes and dreams~ are concerned. On one hand, pregnant women are encouraged to exercise as they did prior to becoming pregnant, within reason. But it’s that ‘within reason’ that’s really messing up our Coachella hopes, because among the movements that are advised against are:

  • Activities where falling is likely.
  • Any exercise that may cause even mild abdominal trauma such as activities that include jarring motions or rapid changes in direction.
  • Activities that require extensive jumping, hopping, skipping, bouncing, or running.
  • Deep knee bends, full sit-ups, double leg raises, and straight-leg toe touches.
  • Bouncing while stretching.
  • Waist-twisting movements while standing.
  • Heavy exercise spurts followed by long periods of no activity.
  • Exercise in hot, humid weather.

Most of these things seem likely to occur in the average Beyoncé concert, and it’s definitely going to be hot at Coachella, although probably not humid, at least.

While we would definitely be perfectly happy to watch our Queen dance even while massively pregnant, obviously her health and safety, and that of her kids, comes first. Beyoncé debuted her first baby bump during a concert, but this is a bit more than a bump, and three months from now, considering she’s having twins, it’s probably going to be a bit more of a bump.

TMZ reported that Beyoncé hadn’t told the company producing Coachella she was pregnant, which might go to show that she’s planning on doing the show, but it also might just be that many women prefer to wait until they’re farther along to tell anybody at all…also, considering her life is about to get way crazier and more sleep-deprived, she also might not have even thought about it, honestly.

And we’re not the only one’s who have wondered this.

Nobody could replace Beyoncé at Coachella, so we have to imagine that as long as she’s doing well, she’s going to do the show…but it might be a show she does, y’know, sitting down with no dancing. Maybe some emphatic hand movements and hair tosses. Something low key.

We’re definitely gonna keep an ear to the ground for updates because MAN OH MAN is there no more depressing thought than thinking you’re going to see Beyoncé only to find out that’s not the case.

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