Jen Juneau
September 07, 2016 6:50 pm
Disney

Let’s admit it out loud: Beauty and the Beast is the best Disney movie, at least objectively. It’s the only Disney animated film that’s been nominated for a Best Picture Oscar — and that’s still the case 25 years later. Belle is many a bookworm girl’s Disney heroine, and BatB has inspired everything from a Broadway musical, to a Walt Disney World restaurant, to a live-action film that premieres on my birthday next year. AND NO, I do not think this is a coincidence.

But even perfection has its flaws – without them, this movie would just be TOO perfect, and what’s the fun in that? Here are five questions I still have for Beauty and the Beast.

Why did the Beast let Maurice go?

When Belle shows up she’s all…

And the Beast is like, “That’s actually not a bad idea.”

I don’t know about you guys, but most of the kidnapping stories I’ve heard usually don’t involve bartering – not only because kidnappers aren’t the most likely people to make a deal, but because the person they let go is probably heading straight to the police.

That being said, maybe the Beast knew the town would think Maurice is a psychopath — but I don’t buy it. It takes a while for the Beast to show any semblance of reasonable behavior, so how Belle accomplished this trade, I will never know. I’m sure Maurice appreciated it, though — especially now that he has a castle to visit anytime he wants. Probably a weird story to tell at family reunions, though:

Belle: “Uncle, this is my new husband, Prince Adam.”

Adam/Beast: “Nice to meet you, sir.”

Great Uncle Belle’s Mom’s Relative: “You as well, dear boy! So, how did you two crazy kids me—?”

Maurice: “SO I INVENTED THIS NEW THING THE OTHER DAY AND IT DIDN’T KILL ME LOLOLOL CRAZY RIGHT!?”

Why do only two characters have a French accent?

Beauty and the Beast takes place in a French country village. This is a well-known thing. So why do only Lumiere and Babette – the REAL power couple of this movie, let’s be honest – have traditional (albeit corny, over-the-top) French accents? And everyone else sounds either British (Mrs. Potts and Cogsworth) or American (pretty much everyone else)?

Two random French accents was always bizarre to me — specially with one of them in a “French maid” costume. Come on, guys.

Did Gaston never have a problem with salmonella?

I know this movie takes place in the Xteenth century when our stomachs could probably tolerate a lot more — I mean, my dad used to drink a raw egg for protein every morning and I’m shuddering just thinking about it. But Gaston ups the ante.

Disney / a.dilcdn.com
  1. Why is Gaston puttering around a village when he could clearly make some sweet cash as a juggler in a traveling circus?
  2. Does he eat that many eggs every morning?

Sub-questions to #2:

  1. How does he swallow them whole?
  2. Does he eat them raw EVERY DAY?

I know there are a lot of other actual magical/supernatural elements in the movie to distract us from this, but Gaston obviously had some tricks up his sleeve that make the enchantress’ craft look not as impressive in comparison. I’m JUST saying.

Why in the world is oatmeal for breakfast ever a thing in the castle?

Aside from the fact that the Beast obviously cannot handle eating things that require a tiny spoon, if memory serves me correctly, the castle has a full kitchen staff who literally sit around all day with nothing to do. So when it’s time for breakfast, you’re telling me OATMEAL is the best they can come up with? I know it’s cold outside, but oatmeal is not the only hot meal in existence.

Maybe the kitchen folk had a day off during this scene. Maybe they worked too hard, like house-elves, and they deserved that day off and I’m being a jerk and just really, really love fancy brunch.

But seriously, the time-lapse + painting thing = ?

There have been multiple thinkpieces on this particular question, but I don’t care because almost 25 years after this movie hit theaters, I’m still irritated. To summarize, for those unfamiliar: The beginning of the movie shows Prince Adam’s transformation into the Beast. Part of this intro has him scratching through a portrait of himself.

Said portrait looks exactly the way Prince Adam does at the end of the movie, after he’s aged up to 21 years old — which, if Lumiere’s lyrics in “Be Our Guest” are to be believed, is 10 years after the enchantress put a curse on him…when he was 11. So what kind of Dorian Gray nonsense is happening? Because dude does NOT look 11 at the beginning of the movie, either. Granted, that part of the intro is done in a different animated style, but still, I need answers, Disney. I need them now.

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