Rachel Paige
Updated Dec 15, 2017 @ 11:31 am
Credit: Lucasfilm

This past year you, and I, and literally everyone on the planet have spent a long, long time coming up with different theories regarding Supreme Leader Snoke. The mysterious and holographic Big Bad first appeared in Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and though we were only just meeting him now, the film implies that he had been around much longer, and had potentially been pulling strings behind the scenes for longer than that. This led to a surplus of questions, as we tried to figure out the identity of Snoke — who he was, what he wanted, and just how bad was he for the Resistance come Last Jedi.

Was Supreme Leader Snoke actually Anakin Skywalker, post-Vader, back from the dead and looking to rule the galaxy again? Was he maybe Emperor Palpatine? Another Sith Lord? Or was he someone else completely different, and maybe Rey’s dad or something? (Stranger things have happened in Star Wars.) Since meeting the larger-than-life Supreme Leader, everyone’s come up with their own intense theory regarding his background and motivations, and after The Last Jedi, I’m here to tell you that literally every single one of your theories is horribly, horribly wrong.


Credit: HelloGiggles

Kylo Ren kills Snoke, and literally does it before he can answer a single fucking question about himself, his background, and his greater ambitions.

How did we get here? Well you see, Kylo Ren (née, Ben Solo) hasn’t completely turned to the Dark Side yet. Feisty heroine Rey recognizes this, and spends a good chunk of The Last Jedi trying to bring him back to the Light Side via, like, some telekinetic connection bridged between the two of them. (They’re like Force pen pals). When Rey and Kylo finally come face to face in Snoke’s all-red chamber, the Supreme Leader confiscates Rey’s lightsaber, and then demands that Kylo kill Rey.

Kylo resists — see, he’s not all bad all the time. But then, via the Force, Kylo uses Rey’s lightsaber to cut Snoke in half, killing him immediately. Snoke falls to the ground in two pieces, like Darth Maul all those years ago. That is literally the end of Snoke. It’s not like after this General Hux looks at the camera, gives a Jim Halpert shrug, and then explains the back story of this mysterious character, and just why he was so hellbent on destroying the galaxy.

His story, and the mystery surrounding him just…ends.

That means that…every single time we fell into a Snoke fan theory hole on Reddit, it was all for naught. Snoke was just a big bad, in a giant red room, who wanted to control everything, for reasons unknown. He was a giant (literally, giant) red herring. He was certainly scary, but in the end, he wasn’t any returning character, or someone connected to the Skywalker family, or even a former Sith Lord. He was just a jerk with amorphous intentions. Good riddance.