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C. Molly Smith
December 15, 2017 12:17 am

Star Wars: The Last Jedi is a movie that leaves you with a lot of questions because, hello, it’s Star Wars: The Last Jedi. And what is, perhaps, the biggest, most important question has to do with — AND WARNING: SPOILERS FOLLOW — Chewbacca and an unlucky Porg. We’re not even being sarcastic right now. That’s how much we love Porgs.

ANYWAY, fans have been wondering whether Chewie might make a meal out of a Porg (or two, or more), since an image of everyone’s favorite Wookiee hanging in the Millennium Falcon broke. Oh, and not just any photo, but a photo of Chewie WITH A FEATHER HANGING OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

Where did that feather come from? Where is the Porg he was previously spotted with in the Falcon? 🚨 The Porg is nowhere to be seen 🚨 There was *CERTAINLY* reason to be suspicious.

In The Last Jedi, we see Chewie hanging by the Falcon, waiting for Rey as she continues to try and convince Luke to join the Resistance. Chewie has a fire going and — WARNING: GRAPHIC PORG DETAILS FOLLOW — oh, wait, what’s that? He’s got a dead Porg on some kind of stick. He’s about to cook this Porg, but keeps stopping because a bunch of living Porgs are watching him (to great comedic effect). They appear to make him feel pretty guilty, and we never actually see Chewie eat the Porg…so, did Chewie eat the Porg?

Dear readers, I’m sorry to break this to you: Chewie totally ate the Porg.

Because, how could he not? He’s stuck on Ahch-To with Rey, waiting and waiting and waiting for Luke to agree to help the Resistance (that doesn’t go the way she expects, but I’ll leave it at that for now). And look, a Wookiee — like the rest of us — has to eat.

Do you really think he’s going to pass up sustenance just because some very cute, adorable Porgs — who I, and probably most of the fandom, wish I could adopt — made him feel guilty. NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT. Like, what are his other options?  He could live off the land, sure. But you do see these teeth, right?

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THOSE ARE THE TEETH OF A MEAT EATER. I can’t imagine he’d let those chompers go to waste. No, his instincts would FOR SURE kick in no matter what the survival situation. Because a big-ass Wookiee like Chewie needs his strength to save the galaxy, and there’s nothing like Porg-y protein, right? (I’m so sorry.)

Not to mention, we’ve seen Chewie show his interest in meat products before. In Return of the Jedi, he looks to be attempting to eat a dead animal that Ewoks have laid out as a trap. We don’t actually see him eat the animal — come think of it, have we *ever* seen Chewie eat? — but that’s probably because he and everyone else get caught in the trap before he could chow down.

And let’s take a look at Wookiee diets: I’m not seeing anything concrete (LOL @ my search history), but the general consensus seems to be that they’ve evolved from carnivores to omnivores over the years. So odds are Chewie totally ate that Porg and thank you Rian Johnson for sparing us from the visuals. Although, is it worse to imagine? Time will tell…

So I guess now that we know what (probably) happened, the real question isn’t “Did Chewie eat the Porg?” but rather, “Did Chewie feel bad about eating the Porg?” Given the bond he shared with the Porg in the Falcoln, the one the internet is completely obsessed with — except some haters, but haters gonna hate — I think yes.

But, like, Chewie, it’s hard out there for a Wookiee in Ahch-to, so no hard feelings. From us, at least. Who knows about the Porg community.

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