Alyssa Thorne
March 11, 2017 10:03 am

We’re always ready for more live action Disney movies, but this familiar title isn’t a Disney movie at all — the first trailer for the live action The Little Mermaid is here, and it’s not what you’re expecting. On the up side, despite the lack of rousing musical numbers, the trailer looks absolutely gorgeous, and you know any movie packed full of good-looking British people is going to be well-acted. (Sorry, America, but it’s true.)

The story for the movie is based on the classic fairytale rather than the Disney film, so while it’s different, it still looks like it’s going to be magical. We’re pretty amped. But now that we’ve watched the trailer half a dozen times, we’ve noticed a few things we’ve got to talk about.

1. The main guy, named ~Cam Harrison~ is totally Peter Pevensie from The Chronicles of Narnia.

Seems to be a totally average guy now, though, but on the up side, he still has his phenomenal jawline. Like, man. This is the sort of jawline you drop out of college to become a sculptor for. This is the sort of jawline the Crimson Chin wishes he had. This is the sort of jawline we would like to marry, frankly.

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2. It is, however, not NEARLY The Little Mermaid we were expecting.

We knew it wasn’t a Disney movie going in, but did anybody else have to watch it about three times in order to stop looking for singing sea creatures and wondering why nobody was flamingly ginger?

3. You also may have missed how on fleek Shirley MacLaine’s eyebrows are, and if so, we’ve got your back.

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4. They also appear to be riding the Hogwarts Express.

Our bodies are ready for all of the Little Mermaid and Harry Potter crossover fanfiction. That said, the U.K. is so small that it wouldn’t be permitted to ride any roller coasters (“you must be THIS tall to ride!”) so maybe the Hogwarts Express does double duty ferrying people into fairy tales on its days off.

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5. Lastly, the weird weird design decision that is having the mermaid grow scales over her chest, because apparently the nipple isn’t free even unda da sea.

At least they could’ve given her a seashell bra like Ariel or something and reinforced the cultural sexualization of totally normal female body parts in a less creepy manner, but y’know. We’re really excited for this movie, and beggars can’t be choosers.

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We’re probably going to watch this trailer about twenty more times over the weekend, so we’ll keep you posted if we spot anything else you absolutely need to know. But really, after Shirley MacLaine’s eyebrows, what else IS there?

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