Prepare yourselves to face some painful truths: The Honest Trailer for Shrek is here, and we are not ready for this relentless unraveling of yet another of our most nearest and dearest film faves. It’s extremely difficult to take this roasting of one of our favorite animated couples of all time. Like, Shrek and Fiona’s love story will never not be everything to us and to generations to come. Note to Hollywood: More Shrek movies, please (and yes, we realize we’re getting woefully carried away here).
As The Daily Dot reports, Screen Junkies’ Honest Trailers fan appreciation month is happening as we speak, so for the entirety of February, viewers will choose the latest victim, er, film. That means we have the public to blame for this merciless dismantling of Shrek, and we’re just not prepared for this impending ogre takedown.
SIGHS. And we probably never will be, so let’s get this over with, shall we?
So, Honest Trailer’s blunt take on Shrek tells us that Donkey is more famous than Eddie Murphy (ouch), that, *gasps* — only ugly people can be together. It also describes the film as “early computer animation that looks just as good as modern animation that hasn’t finished rendering.” Oof. That was a low blow, aaand the low blows just don’t stop.
They basically proceed to call out Shrek as a Disney knockoff, singling out its hypocritical overuse of Disney tropes such as the angry princess, the ugly hero and the adorable animal sidekick.
YES, THEY ACTUALLY CAME FOR DONKEY, EVERYONE.
Our feelings are hurt on his behalf, but at least they laid off Shrek and company long enough to unleash their wrath on Smashmouth’s “All-Star,” calling it a dumb song that went triple platinum. But wait — that was all Shrek’s fault too.
So, that wasn’t as bad we thought it would be, was it? Actually, yes it was. We NEVER want to see Shrek again. Almost. Kind of. OMG, what are we saying?! Not really. Ugh.
We just need someone to hold us and tell us it’ll be all better soon, so we can muster up the courage and willful ignorance to pretend like Shrek is actually wonderful again.