Holy Affleck: 10 Reasons Why Ben Will Be a Great Batman
In case you live under a twitterless rock, you might not have heard the news that Ben Affleck will play Batman in the newest film installment of the superhero franchise.
I love when news like this breaks–something that isn’t crazy serious, but something that the nation (and maybe even world?) deems necessary to talk about for hours on end. For the most part, and maybe it is my timeline’s biased overreaction, I have gathered that we aren’t all that stoked about Affleck saving Gotham City, but I (of course) am in the minority here. So, let’s talk.
10 Reasons Why Ben Affleck Will Be a Great Batman
1. I get that everyone is really upset about Affleck because of “what he did” to Daredevil, but let’s be real: Daredevil is not Batman. Affleck’s acting may not have been phenomenal in the film, but to be perfectly honest, the movie itself was nothing to write home about. The screenplay and directing were as shabby as Affleck’s portrayal of a superhero that is pretty boring to begin with. We already LOVE Batman, we did not necessarily already LOVE Daredevil. So let’s start there.
2. Val Kilmer? I am sure Affleck could portray Batman at least as well as Kilmer did. Yeah, Affleck has been in some crappy romance movies (Gigli, hi), but so was Kilmer. At First Sight? Come on, guys. The most memorable part of Kilmer’s Batman comes from that Friends episode where Chandler thinks he’s going to wear Batman’s tux, but he is actually wearing Virgil Adamson’s.
3. And George Clooney? I’m a woman, so for the love of god do not mistake my distaste for Clooney’s Batman as distaste for the gorgeous man himself, but he was not Batmaterial. Even in the full Batman get-up, Clooney looks like Clooney.
Again, I’m not complaining, I’m just stating facts.
4. Ben Affleck has an Oscar. Sorry. Two Oscars.
5. Affleck can do anything Christian Bale can do, and maybe we’ll get lucky and they won’t insist on making him sound like a grizzly bear.
6. I know everyone seems really stressed out that Affleck won’t hold his Boston accent back, but first of all, he is an actor. He can control his accent, you know there are people who get paid to train actors on accents and I am sure there will be a budget big enough to teach Affleck how to pronounce his “r”s.
7. …and even if he did have a Boston accent, shut up, I would be in <3 <3 <3 <3 with Batman like ten times more than I ever have been. It doesn’t take a lot moah than a wicked hot accent to win me ovahh.
8. It’s been joked about a thousand times, but can we talk about what if Matt Damon was Robin?
9. Zack Snyder is directing this installment. Know what else Snyder directed? 300. Watchmen. Dawn of the Dead. I think he can handle turning Affleck into a superhero.
10. And (most) jokes aside, I just really feel like Affleck can nail Batman’s vulnerability. We all know he cries well!
Oh, god, here we go. There’s no crying in superhero movies! Get off it.
Ben, I’m here for you, babe.