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Image from "Lady Bird"
Credit: A24

Some may call it a witch hunt, others may call it justice. Vulture called it a necessary investigation. When Lady Bird’s perfect Rotten Tomatoes score fell from 100% to 99%, Vulture set out to find the culprit who dissed what some are calling Greta Gerwig’s magnum opus. The entertainment site followed through with their inquiry and found that a man named Cole Smithey is to blame.

First of all, why? And second of all, how dare he?

Smithey, the self-proclaimed “smartest film critic in the world” according to his website (lol), wrote that he found Gerwig’s film to be “dramatically flat.”

“There are dozens of coming-of-age films that far outweigh this lightweight contender,” Smithey wrote in his self-published December 7th review. He continued, “Lady Bird doesn’t have the courage of her convictions…If ever there was a signature mumblecore trait, this is it.”

Overall, Smithey originally gave the film a B- on Rotten Tomatoes but had to shift his rating to a C+ in order to technically categorize it as rotten. Then, assumingely after fans caught wind of and blasted him for his antics, he tweeted this:

Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But the issue here is that Smithey admitted in his tweet to having given Lady Bird a rotten review just to destroy its perfect score. Hmm…we’re not sure about you guys, but that seems a a lot jerk-y to us.

And it seems Smithey has used similar tactics on Rotten Tomatoes before. He did the same thing to Logan, It, Baby Driver, Dunkirk and Wonder Woman (we know, how DARE he).

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Honestly, this sounds like a case of “I’m going to be subversive for the sake of being subversive,” and his reviews don’t seem to be coming from a very pure or honest place.

Whether it’s 100% or 99% certified fresh, we know in our hearts that Lady Bird is perfect, and that’s all that matters. You can’t sway us, Smithey. You just can’t.