The most distracting Internet distractions of 2014
This year was pretty great, no? As we prepare to welcome 2015, let’s take a moment to reflect on what we accomplished this year. Or what we failed to accomplish because we found all these highly entertaining things on the internet to occupy our time. No judgments here if you spent at least 30% of your year watching Chris Pratt interviews. And if you’re looking for one last chance to annihilate your productivity, here are a few of the best gifts the Internet gave us in 2014.
Netflix’s Spoil Yourself
Almost all of us are in an open relationship with Netflix, but they’ve taken our commitment to the next level. The website introduced their “Spoil Yourself” section where, if you dare enter, you’ll have the greatest movies and TV shows spoiled for you before you even had the opportunity to binge watch The Wire. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
This is kind of self-explanatory, no? The cats—they bounce. You can click and drag them, and they will still bounce. You can also “make it rain.” Goodbye, my entire afternoon.
Dancing Baby Groot
The year will be remembered for a lot of reasons, and one of them is that it gave us a tiny dancing alien tree rocking out to the Jackson 5 in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Sia’s video for “Chandelier”
Sia’s great. However, she’s a little media shy, so she enlists the help of others to bring her music to life for her. When she appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers, Lena Dunham played the part of Sia while Sia sang “Chandelier” from the top bunk of a bunk bed. And her music video for the song featured a mesmerizing performance by Dance Mom‘s Maddie Ziegler. This was done in almost one continuous shot, and I defy you to watch it less than three times. Kate McKinnon and Jim Carrey performed it on SNL as well, so yeah, this song lead to a lot of procrastination this year.
John Oliver, Last Week Tonight
Oh, hey, did you become obsessed with John Oliver this year? Because I did. I was always a fan of his work on The Daily Show, especially when he replaced John Stewart for a little bit last summer. Then he got his own show. And that show is great. Instead of covering daily topical stories, he does in-depth reporting on everything from overseas elections to my personal favorite, the Miss America Pageant. He frequently has awesome guest stars, and has a resident sidekick in a Space Gecko. Just watch it. It’ll all make sense, I promise.
So Tinder’s still a thing, huh? Even though it’s long since been deleted from my phone (it lasted about 36 hours), the jokes about this dating app will never get old. One genius writer decided to respond to texts from interested guys with questions Carrie posed on Sex and the City. Then Conan O’Brien and Dave Franco created fake profiles and let the hilarity ensue. I would swipe right for Chip Whitley or Jangus Roundstone any day.
Even though Frozen technically came out in 2013, 2014 was the year that its popularity soared through the roof. Every single day of every single month so far this year has had a little Frozen flair to it, whether it was watching videos of little kids singing “Let It Go,” big kids singing “Let It Go,” or figuring out how to cosplay as Elsa. So let’s all admit that we spent a whole lot of time worhsipping Frozen.
Casey the dog passes out, melts our hearts
Casey’s owner/best friend Rebecca was overseas for work for two years. Some might assume that Casey, being a dog and all, would forget all about her during that time. But, no, not Casey. When Rebecca returns home Casey squeals with delight and soon passes out from excitement and it is the most heartwarming thing ever. You never forget your best friend! (Don’t worry: Rebecca took Casey to the vet and she was fine!)
Weird Al’s New CD, “Mandatory Fun”
Like an old friend, Weird Al came back into our lives this summer and, boy, did we miss him. For eight straight days, he gave us eight brand-new music videos for songs off his new album, Mandatory Fun, and they did not disappoint. Along with “Tacky” (his spoof on Pharell’s “Happy”) be sure to rewatch “Word Crimes” (“Blurred Lines”) and “Handy” (“Fancy”) 100 times. Come back soon, Weird Al!
Personally, as a corgi enthusiast, anything involving the little guys makes me the happiest person in the world, or at least in my apartment. Corgis dressed up as the Avengers with an owner dressed up as Nick Fury? Tell me you wouldn’t watch a two-hour movie in which all of the characters were played by corgis? You can’t. I’m ready for more corgi distractions in my life.
Things involving Chris Pratt
When we look back on 2014, we might end up declaring it the Year of Chris Pratt. He played a Lego, he played a Marvel character, and he became a leading man that we could all be proud of. Pratt was everywhere, and I don’t think any of us are complaining.
October 21, 2014: A day when productivity everywhere dropped by like 90%. That’s because it was the day Simpsons World launched, and it included every single episode of the show, along with trivia, interviews, running tallies of the most popular episodes, and more. Hours were lost that fateful day—Halloween costumes forgotten, work left for someone else to do. We will recover, however slowly, because let’s face it, it takes a while to rewatch every episode.
This Hard-Working Dog
What is this dog doing? How was this dog hired? Do you want to bet that this dog has a more impressive résumé than I do? Clearly, he is working at a vet’s office so where is this place located, and are there any appointments available next week? Employee of the year. And if you’re wondering where this came from, it’s here, and I hope you didn’t have any New Year’s resolutions to get started on.
It’s like Jimmy Fallon was born to give us viral content. Not a day goes by that a segment from last night’s episode isn’t shared all over the web, and it’s very easy to fall down a Jimmy Fallon hole and before you know it you’re watching episodes from months past. He’s the king of late night, aka the master of distraction.